A friend of mine often says "hilarity insues" or "insued" when he's telling a story. I usually think of this friend as an intelligent, inquisitive, and intellectual friend whos 'hilarity' is sure to make any story dramatic and interesting.
Here's mine for today! As most of my phone contacts know I sent a mass text message to all of them wishing their day as spectacular as mine had been. Some responded with a simple, "thanks. U 2" or a "It has been. How's your day?" My typical response to all them who asked was "Mine has been the same. Spectacular!" What made the morning spectacular could have very well been the ten hours of sleep that I got after turning my phone off and leaving my alarm clock unplugged. It most likely was because I woke up feeling more refreshed for having the day off to do whatever I wanted to do for fun. I wasted time, although now I don't see it as a "waste". I spent time reading a chapter in a book, writing for my blog, and treated myself to lunch. I didn't make any lists of things that I had to get done today and decided that today was just going to be fun, no matter what.
The funny part about this day actually happened a few days ago when another friend of mine sent me a text message telling me what his fortune cookie read for that day, which got me thinking about the box of fortune sticks I'd bought way back when I worked at Pier 1 Imports. At the time I think I bought them for a friend for Christmas but never gave it to him. Yeah, as matter of fact I bought it for a friend who used to be a pin-pal in the Army that was, at the time, overseas. I'd bought them for his care package but I didn't get it out on time; typical Katie fashion but that's beside the point. After my friend Andy told me his fortune I decided to go back to playfully pulling these sticks to see what mine would be. For the past month or so my friend Brantley and I would make fun of the fortunes I'd pick because they almost always came true in some way or another, even the most ridiculous ones.
Instead of just choosing one I'd gotten in the habit of pulling three, one at a time. I'm not sure the significance; perhaps a two out of three ratio or something like that justifying my choice in pulling only three. Either way...to the story.
The first stick read: "A friend has traveled far and from this you will both benefit." At first I thought that maybe this means literally; maybe a friend would surprise me with a visit, but it didn't happen. So then I thought that maybe it meant that a friend would reach out, far beyond their comfort zone and into unknown territory, and from this we would both benefit from it. Well, yesterday I received one of the best messages I'd ever gotten. It was a true testament to God's power and love and grace through His children. It was a message from an unlikely person who could have easily been angered by me or my actions, but chose grace instead. She told me that she was thankful I was a part of her husbands past life and gave me hope that I did more good than bad and that I should take pride in knowing that God will help me through my struggles. I was grateful to no end!
The final stick read: "You are loved for the way you are. Don't try to be different." It speaks for itself but on that day gave me more empowerment to wear what I wanted to wear, be who I wanted to be...because me, Katie, is enough!
The second stick, which ended up being the one that I just passed over as "nah, not true" read: "You will soon be moving." At first, like I said, I passed over it because I knew I didn't have the money to move, nor the desire, and I was sure that this meant literally. I had given it some thought yesterday remembering that my parents gave me an opportunity to manage their juice bars but it would mean moving to Jacksonville, NC and I had already told them that this wasn't a a great time in my life. Then I'd thought it might mean that I was supposed to take the opportunity to join the National Guard like I had looked into doing a few months ago. Just this morning I finally realized it had to be more than literal because God has given me such a wonderful opportunity to start with my counseling workbook again. I knew it had to mean instead of me literally packing everything and moving again, it meant that I was physically, mentally, but most importantly spiritually moving. So, I left it at that and went on with the rest of my "spectacular" day.
..."Where's the hilarity in that", you might ask...
When I got home from treating myself to one of the best philly cheesesteaks I'd had in a long time (perhaps because it was because I freely took just myself with no guilt or shame of being alone to go get it)....there was a surprise on my door.
"What? What?"
Posted on my apartment door was a notice to vacate the premises within ten days or contact the Myrtle Beach Magistrates office to set up a court appearance to appeal the eviction process. "The stick did mean literal", I told myself as I stood there and stared, reading the paper over and over again. Haha. I was floored at the irony of the day in general; that it's been one of the greatest days I've had in a long time but tested with destruction for my hardwork, but it was just that...a test. I knew that getting upset wouldn't change the outcome of the letter making it magically disappear if I cried long enough and hard enough. I knew that nothing less than passing it off as...hilarious irony would help so I did what I had to do. I called the magistrates office and got some information from them, in which they advised me to call my landlord and see what was going to happen next.
The irony isn't only in that this particular day started out wonderful, and naturally still is wonderful, but it's in that just yesterday I paid my rent. Each month, as most, rent is due by the first of the month and considered late on the fifth. I knew that this month would be cutting it close because my paycheck wouldn't be deposited until the 4th so I chances were I would simply pay it that night and not be charged the late fee and everything would work out. So, when my check went through I logged in to pay my rent through our new online automated payment system that they've just recently set up for our apartment complex. The first month went through fine, however, being that I just changed my bank information I had to use a new account which should've been fine. I paid rent on the fourth but it didn't give me a confirmation number, which I initially thought was weird but didn't think anything of it because I know that it was taken care of. So, last week I hadn't used the account at all because my paycheck just barely covered the rent and I knew that once that was taken out I'd have little cash left anyways so there was no reason for me to check my accounts balance each day. Well, as I said, last week I checked it because I had to get gas and saw that the $500 was still there, which meant that rent hadn't been drafted from my account but that they had now charged me the $50 for the rent being late. I had to wait until I got paid again so that I could then cover the rent and the $50 late fee, which meant paying just last night after my paycheck was deposited.
Long story short, I'm keeping the piece of paper as a souvenir because after calling the landlord she told me that I wasn't the only one who this happened to and that I should just tear up the notice because it sent them a confirmation saying that I had made a payment.
Moral of the story...we got to learn to let go of the things we cannot control before they control us. Sometimes when all you have to do is laugh and let it roll off of you...you've just gotta do it. I'm learning...one hilarious day at a time.
Friday, August 20, 2010
365 Days of Recovery
Recently I read an article from Yahoo about a woman who lost her job and instead of hitting the streets with her resume she decided to take the time and start a blog. Each day she bought an article of clothing for $1 and re-vamped it into some new piece of clothing. As I was looking through the photos she mostly chose extra large dresses that she then cut and sewed to make into smaller, more tailored dresses for herself. The patterns were pretty crazy, but overall I like her concept. Like the movie, "Julie & Julia", she chose to do this for $365, for 365 days. Each day she would create a new piece of clothing. I was interested not only because of her inspiration from that movie and her willingness to do something different, but because it was just something she wanted to do for fun.
I remember when I was in Pennslyvania for a couple of months I got to a point where I would do things just for fun as well. I'd walk around the neighboring homes and fields and take pictures. I'd try to find new paths through the woods in the back of the house to explore. I would go for walks and fast-paced challenging up-hill/downhill runs because I wanted to get into shape. It became something I did for myself, to feel better.
I was also working with a counselor once a week to talk about my past and present feelings, rejections, acceptance, etc. I used to think, as I progressively got worse in my illness again that she, my counselor was the miracle worker. I had thought that there was no way I would be able to get back to that unless I found another counselor willing to help me and perhaps that's why I've found so much trouble finding someone. At first, recently, I started seeing a therapist that was ridiculously priced but I told myself that it was worth it because I would be getting better. After having to stop seeing him because I could no longer afford it, I began to lose hope in getting better because no one would and could help me. A few weeks after procrastinating I felt rejection again when I finally called the references he had given me for a more affordable solution. They couldn't see me until September and only offered forms of medication to heal the problem instead of starting at the root of it. At this point I had also had a friend, with similar issues, refer me to her therapist, which took a few calls to actually get an answer from. Again, rejection.
I really didn't understand why this was happening because I was asking God for help and He was presenting all of these possibilities and opportunities to seek help, but I just kept being rejected. 'Why', I would wonder and soon ask God Himself. I couldn't understand why if I was seeking help and it was being provided that something, money, or time, was always in the way.
While I was working with my counselor in Pennslyvania we started a workbook called, The Twelve Steps, A Spiritual Journey. It was very helpful to me and even after I'd moved back to South Carolina and in with my husband again I'd continued through the workbook with her through our phone sessions. I made it through Step 8 and was so proud of myself for doing so well, especially under the environmental circumstances, that I decided that I was going to try it myself. After that I fell flat. I kept up with the workbook for a couple more weeks, but never made it past Step 8.
I've realized through going back and starting over with my workbook that I didn't fail. I simply misplaced the importance of counsel. To me, I was succeeding because I had my counselor, because she was the miracle worker helping me through it. I had put it into her hands the outcome of my recovery and I think that's why I sought so much counsel after that. I never thought that I was able, or qualified enough to do it myself. Afterall, who really believes that if someone with an illness doesn't take medication for it can really help themselves get better? The answer is simple. I do.
I remember asking myself a few weeks ago what I was so worried about with helping myself because I knew that with God's help anything was possible. I knew that I didn't need to start taking medication simply to make people believe that I was recovering. While I was in Pennslyvania I didn't take medication and I don't need to take it now, but I do need to practice self-control and accountability more. That is where my skills are lacking but God has given me all the tools to recover from them, I just have to use them. I've realized that a valuable tool He has given me is time alone, in a safe and controlled environment. He's given me the peace and calm of coming home to no one badgering or belittling or even being. This time alone is a blessing and I should treat it as such.
He's also given me my workbook as a tool. I didn't go to Pennslyvania to learn the importance of a counselor, I went to learn the importance of His counsel through me. I am everything I need to get better and with the help and guidance of this workbook He brought to my life, I am able to be everything I need to get better.
So, today I will start my own "365 day" blog, but instead of it being like the woman in the article, or even the movie, I will write each day as I work through this workbook again.
A part of the reason why I thought that I had to actually go to seek counseling was because it was an accountability, which wasn't a wrong thought because at the time I did feel more powerful knowing that I was physically making the effort to drive to her office for our session. Now, I realize through reading the second week in my workbook that my "small group" will be my blog. Each day I will share with you my scares and my triumphs of recovery through each lesson. I look forward to this 'project' not only because it helps me learn and correct my character flaws, but it will also help me help others through my own struggles.
I thank God, sincerely, for everything! There simply aren't any words to express my gratitude so this blog will become a way that I can serve Him in all His glory! I pray you will benefit from these lessons, as I have and will continue to.
I remember when I was in Pennslyvania for a couple of months I got to a point where I would do things just for fun as well. I'd walk around the neighboring homes and fields and take pictures. I'd try to find new paths through the woods in the back of the house to explore. I would go for walks and fast-paced challenging up-hill/downhill runs because I wanted to get into shape. It became something I did for myself, to feel better.
I was also working with a counselor once a week to talk about my past and present feelings, rejections, acceptance, etc. I used to think, as I progressively got worse in my illness again that she, my counselor was the miracle worker. I had thought that there was no way I would be able to get back to that unless I found another counselor willing to help me and perhaps that's why I've found so much trouble finding someone. At first, recently, I started seeing a therapist that was ridiculously priced but I told myself that it was worth it because I would be getting better. After having to stop seeing him because I could no longer afford it, I began to lose hope in getting better because no one would and could help me. A few weeks after procrastinating I felt rejection again when I finally called the references he had given me for a more affordable solution. They couldn't see me until September and only offered forms of medication to heal the problem instead of starting at the root of it. At this point I had also had a friend, with similar issues, refer me to her therapist, which took a few calls to actually get an answer from. Again, rejection.
I really didn't understand why this was happening because I was asking God for help and He was presenting all of these possibilities and opportunities to seek help, but I just kept being rejected. 'Why', I would wonder and soon ask God Himself. I couldn't understand why if I was seeking help and it was being provided that something, money, or time, was always in the way.
While I was working with my counselor in Pennslyvania we started a workbook called, The Twelve Steps, A Spiritual Journey. It was very helpful to me and even after I'd moved back to South Carolina and in with my husband again I'd continued through the workbook with her through our phone sessions. I made it through Step 8 and was so proud of myself for doing so well, especially under the environmental circumstances, that I decided that I was going to try it myself. After that I fell flat. I kept up with the workbook for a couple more weeks, but never made it past Step 8.
I've realized through going back and starting over with my workbook that I didn't fail. I simply misplaced the importance of counsel. To me, I was succeeding because I had my counselor, because she was the miracle worker helping me through it. I had put it into her hands the outcome of my recovery and I think that's why I sought so much counsel after that. I never thought that I was able, or qualified enough to do it myself. Afterall, who really believes that if someone with an illness doesn't take medication for it can really help themselves get better? The answer is simple. I do.
I remember asking myself a few weeks ago what I was so worried about with helping myself because I knew that with God's help anything was possible. I knew that I didn't need to start taking medication simply to make people believe that I was recovering. While I was in Pennslyvania I didn't take medication and I don't need to take it now, but I do need to practice self-control and accountability more. That is where my skills are lacking but God has given me all the tools to recover from them, I just have to use them. I've realized that a valuable tool He has given me is time alone, in a safe and controlled environment. He's given me the peace and calm of coming home to no one badgering or belittling or even being. This time alone is a blessing and I should treat it as such.
He's also given me my workbook as a tool. I didn't go to Pennslyvania to learn the importance of a counselor, I went to learn the importance of His counsel through me. I am everything I need to get better and with the help and guidance of this workbook He brought to my life, I am able to be everything I need to get better.
So, today I will start my own "365 day" blog, but instead of it being like the woman in the article, or even the movie, I will write each day as I work through this workbook again.
A part of the reason why I thought that I had to actually go to seek counseling was because it was an accountability, which wasn't a wrong thought because at the time I did feel more powerful knowing that I was physically making the effort to drive to her office for our session. Now, I realize through reading the second week in my workbook that my "small group" will be my blog. Each day I will share with you my scares and my triumphs of recovery through each lesson. I look forward to this 'project' not only because it helps me learn and correct my character flaws, but it will also help me help others through my own struggles.
I thank God, sincerely, for everything! There simply aren't any words to express my gratitude so this blog will become a way that I can serve Him in all His glory! I pray you will benefit from these lessons, as I have and will continue to.
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