Monday, August 23, 2010

Random

Right about now I feel like I'm eating everything in sight like some goat or something. What is going on? AHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In other news....I've got 24 more ounces of water to drink and 15 minutes until my challenges for today are complete! Yay!

Daily Challenge: 1

Today I'm going to challenge myself to drink 8-8 ounce glasses of water. I'm usually very good about drinking water, however, lately I've been drinking apple juice and cranberry juice, which isn't too bad considering it's not like soda. I've finished my cranberry juice and I want to focus on drinking more water again. So today, 8-8 ounce glasses of water!

My second challenge for today will be staying off of Facebook for the remainder of the night. I know, it doesn't seem like it should be much of a challenge but everytime I connect with the internet I find myself checking both e-mails and immediately after, my facebook. So, to limit my usuage and to discipline myself I will be challening myself to no Facebook for the rest of the day.

My third challenge today will be limited text messaging to one person in particular. Nothing against this person or texting, however, it's a similar situation as Facebook. I need to discipline myself, again, to think beyond only wanting to communicate with this person. I've got to remember to protect my heart and at the same time be kind, patient, and understanding.

Those are my challenges today.

Week One: A Spiritual Journey: A Working Guide to Healing

A couple of posts ago I talked about a workbook that I had begun working through during my time spent in Shelocta, PA. In that recent post I aslo talked about using my blog as my accountability partner and small support group. Starting with this blog I'll summarize Week One through Week Four before I begin work on each Step.

In the last blog that I wrote I talked about the preparation and readiness that we must have in order to be useful to God's will. Such is this journey we're beginning as well. If you think about a company that usually hires from outside their regular employees most will agree that the sole purpose is to train a fresh mind.

Some of the benefits of working a workbook like this, twelves steps, helps to reclaim our birthright as children of a compassionate God. We were created in His image and have the gift of free will. The journey we are about to begin is intended to awaken us to God's grace and give us opportunity to experience peaceful and productive living. Feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and inferiority diminsh and are replaced by spiritual strength and virtues. Focusing on our new relationship with God transforms our obsessive need for other people's approval. Our attention is, instead, captivated by the promise of new life in Christ. Ask yourself, What personal need brings you to this meeting or step study? Describe your practice of prayer, Bible reading, or quiet time.

The twelves steps takes us from a life of confusion and grief to a place of peace and serenity-one day at a time. Many changes will happen, however, they will not happen all at once. This process will take time, devotion, and patience. God, in His time, instills in us the strength of character that only comes from a healthy relationship with Him. Describe your present spiritual condition.

Because of the chaotic conditions of our childhood, we developed behaviors that now sabotage and assault the successful management of our lives as adults. Having grown up in emotionally repressive families, we became accustomed to denying our pain and discomfort. Most of us found it necessary to shut down our feelings and keep everything locked inside. We learned that expressing our own wants and needs caused rejection. This rejection stimulated intense feelings of inadequacy. Recall one painful incident from childhood.

In our present environments, we may have trouble freely expressing pain, fear, anger, or need. We repress our true feelings because we continue to view our environment the same as we did in childhood. When we openly express our needs, we risk rejection. In order to avoid rejection, many of us compensate for our repressed feelings by doing things to extreme. Our behavior may include preoccupation with relationships, our church, and our job. Or we may cover our true feelings through overwork, overeating, or abuse of mood-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. What behaviors do you use to compensate for or cover your uncomfortable feeling? How do these behaviors affect the rest of your life?

The healing process begins when we look honestly at ourselves. We see the chaotic conditions of our lives as a result of not being prepared for adult relationships and responsibilities. God has given us free will. We can choose several ways of relating to the people and events in our lives. It is important to set aside some of our negative childhood messages and begin the work of learning new behaviors that will better serve us. Some of us were taught to believe that, if we are Christians, our lives will "automatically" be in order, and we will experience peace and serenity. Yet many Christians know their lives are in turmoil despite their intense devotion to religion. Time, patience, and commitment to God's principles and ways are required to change. And our Christian experience doesn't magically erase the pain or consequences of the past. Instead, our faith empowers us to live life according to God's will.

For Christians who suffer from and addictive disease, or who are the product of a family with addictive traits, the Church's message can sometimes be perceived as shaming. This can keep a person from seeking recovery. There is rarely confusion, however, when the Church's message is honesty. The Bible modeled this honesty by documenting the strengths and weaknesses of God's people. Unfortunately, for some, to admit to imperfection might mean that we are not good Christians. In reality, to admit to imperfection means we need God, and that's OK. True recovery begins as we work the spiritual principles embodied in the twelve steps. It is most easily accomplished when we acknowledge our need for help, comfort, and courage to face our problems.

Explain how your religious experience reinforced your tendency to deny your need for healing.

Standing before the Lord and seeking his healing grace does not automatically relieve us of the conseqences of our past behavior. We do find, however, that by asking God for help in facing our old behaviors, we are able to begin the work of change and healing. Diligently seeking God's will for us and working the material in this book enables us to reexamine our relationship with God. With the help of God's grace we experience changes in our unwanted behaviors such as people pleasing, repressed anger, obsessive thinking, or inappropriate sexual behavior. Through our relationship with Christ we are able to redefine the limits we set for ourselves, and we discover that "all things are possible" for those who love God.

What unwanted behaviors do you see in your shadow?

With God's power, the twelve step program can be a tool to relieve our suffering, fill our emptiness, and help us extend God's presence in our lives. This releases energy, love, and joy that are new to us. It is a program we follow at our own pace, in our own way. We walk this journey one step at a time, with God's help and with the support of others in the program. All we need is an open mind. Much of the work is done by God's Spirit working through us. If we work the steps faithfully, we notice improvements in ourselves: our awareness, our sensitivity, our ability to love and be free. Our spiritual and emotional growth may surprise us.

Hope for the broken hearted

As I promised here I am, writing. When I thought about writing earlier I didn't really think of what to say, so I just decided to think a little bit more about the inspiration to my blog post for today. It wasn't necessarily that I was out of ideas but rather that I had too many. As it often goes I had to organize my mental filing cabinet, deciding where the ideas were going to go before anything could actually make it in the files. Yeah, maybe that metaphor was a little too comlex for this time of night. haha.

Either way, I'm here.

I wanted to write about a simple prayer I'd had for the past few nights actually, which first I must say that I used to think that prayers worked like throwing coins in the wishing well where if you tell someone what you wished for it wouldn't come true. I've since realized that prayer isn't quite the same. Recently, I've started to pray that God mold me and make me into an able body to better serve His will. I've realized that through the past few months I couldn't help others the way that I was supposed to because I was so selfishly caught up in my own injuries to truly help with theirs. I know now that it's necessary for us to go through certain circumstantial situations in order to truly have the tools to not only sympathize but empathize and encourage others.

I also wanted to write about the broken-hearted and how such a little "word" could bring so much meaning and fullness to that of a broken heart. Hope. You see it was through my prayer to God that He was able to show me my hope. My hope in the purpose and plan He had for me, the hope in the beauty of my circumstances, the hope for the future anew.

Yesterday was a relatively great day! I really couldn't complain too much because I'd slept for so long, which made me feel like I'd caught up and was rested well enough to get through the night at work. I'd also taken the opportunity to enjoy lunch with a special friend of mine which was nice just getting to know another person for no other reason than to simply add to the knowledge of human behaviors and pure love and concern for their well being. As I went to work, positively being proactive with my mood by listening to my K-LOVE 88.9 in the car I started to think about the possibilities in my life again. I quickly became inspired to truly get going in my own healing process because time is so impatient.

Not only ten minutes was I at work and a man by the name of Jamie Simms came in to our store very interestingly. I had been at the front of the store greeting new guests in and out and as I was talking with another employee I was interested to see why this particular man had been standing closely as if he needed something. So I asked if there was anything I could help him find and as I walked towards him I felt such an urge to talk with him. He wasn't a particularily "interesting" looking man, but there's was just something about him that I knew I needed to talk to him because he was someone of importance. I departed from the employee and we began to talk about the Halloween decorations a certain pumpkin he'd been searching for since his last visit to our store. I was quick to show him where the item was located and he began to tell me about himself. As he walked through the front door I remember wondering why he was carrying a manilla folder with what looked like clippings from a newspaper but I wasn't about to ask him what it was. As he talked more about himself he then showed me what he'd brought with him. I'd learned that he was a broken heart as well. Perhaps he was brought to me for guidance, or just simply a kind smile, but there was a reason he'd come into our store... far greater than any pumpkin he'd see the week before.

I was in awe at the amount of information that this man shared with me and as he continued to talk I could feel my heart build and understand what he might be feeling. He'd told me of his newest achievement of writing his first, self-published horror novel and while I don't particularily like reading horror novels, especially those with creepy children as the main characters, I felt his pride through his words. He showed me the artwork for his book as well as the photograph he used to fill the back cover of the book. It wasn't in this information that I could relate but it was in that his girlfriend recently left him and he'd been apparently robbed of his first novel, "stolen" by the first publishing house he'd lost $40,000 to. So it was in those words that he was telling me that I could relate my feelings of neglect and hopelessness.

I felt such admiration to even be standing with such an interesting character, to be doing God's will by giving him advice and a testimony of my own recent attacks of faith. I'd told him that at the end of the day he had to know that if his love for his novel is what got him through to never give that up for anyone, but to know that there is hope in loving himself again. He'd been so hurt and I could tell because his constant usage of the word "alone" or "lonely", but I advised him that if he could get to a point where being "alone" was a gift and not a burden because of something he'd done wrong, than he'd find the person he desired because they would seek him.

After a little more conversation I began to see the appreciate on his face for my kind words and my patient responses and the intense concern I shared for this perfect stranger. He'd said, "and then I find and meet cool and sweet people like you and you're all married." At the end of our meeting I concluded my concern and appreciation for him with eye contact and a firm handshake thanking him for taking the time to share his story with me. As he turned around and began to walk out I could feel my heart smiling because it was just what I'd prayed for the night before. God had done it once again. He'd given me even more hope that He had before. He'd helped use my pain and struggle and the lessons I learned to help someone else through theirs. It only made me turn around with a happy, excited, bounce as I took comfort in knowing what I was now capable of.

The moral of the story isn't simply to be proud of yourself and what you do. God dwells in us. He is the one that's making this all possible, but we have to prepare ourselves for His work through us. Sometimes even in those darkest of days if all you can do is move slowly, staggered, and blinded...the purpose is to keep moving because eventually the path becomes narrow, straight, firm with His glory lighting your way.

As I close may I ask that tonight, even if you think you're "good" with God, to ask Him to mold you and make you to better do His will; that you not only see others through His eyes but that He give you the strength and the hope to be both willing and able to better serve Him. An influential woman once told me that sometimes you just have to finish the race. Just keep moving and He'll help you find the right path.