As I was driving home from getting some dinner my train of thoughts drastically, rapidly, changed from earlier this morning. Today was a great day spent with my husband! I fell in love with him all over again simply because he is more than I could've asked for! Deep within his heart, beneathe the fear and doubt is a man that most who've known him his whole life never knew existed. I am thankful I've had the opportunity to not only see it, feel it, but to hold it in my heart and know that's the man that God wants him to be. Seeing bits of him, at his finest, I know that's why I fight.
Sometimes I think I'm such a fool for falling for people's crap. I know that makes me sound higher than mighty and possibly you wonder if I lump myself in with those who sit on pedestals. Let me assure you that if you truly knew me and my fears you'd know that what I think of myself isn't even close to a higher ground.
In my finest moments I'm overjoyed at being a christian wife. I have one of the best jobs in this world. I get to be as best as I can be a close representation of Jesus Christ; perfection. I get to strive for that higher ground, and hope for one day resting closely under His arms. I fight because I've seen bits, pieces of what will be one day.
This life is such a game, but isn't it a wonderful game when you know that you're going to win? How about that long drawn out game of monopoly that you used to play as kids? I swear that's why now you can find the game in what seems like over 100 different versions, but the game is still the same. You'll start with a fair amount of money, gamble your choices, end up in jail a few times, and possibly end the game a millionaire or bankrupt. With Jesus you'll never go bankrupt although sometimes the game, being so long, makes you feel that way. Life's gambling decisions can steal a person's hope, which is why it's so important to cling to what you believe. It's important to not only adopt that way of thinking and change life around it, but it's equally important to continue to make that decision everyday. We roll the dice, move our piece, take our chances until our turn is over.
Being human I often get lost in the game. I often find myself that piece that sometimes gets thrown around on the board, always just sort of in between. The start of the day was one of those kinds of rolls.
Anyways, as I drove home I heard a song that reminded me that someday the game will be over and even if I'm left with nothing, in my version of the game, I'll be rich because I'll if nothing else get to meet my savior on the judging block. This song brought me back to reality that my selfishness and doubt robbed me of earlier today. This life is meant to be lived for Him and if serving His will means taking turns where you risk the chance of going bankrupt, I gladly want to take that chance. I made that decision when I jumped in the water to be baptized and tonight I was reminded that's my purpose, if nothing else greater.
In this human life we all would like to think that we'll do such great things; we'll make a difference in the world, that our legacies will thrive for generations. Like Alexander the Great, or even Ghandi, or Rosa Parks, we all want the world (even just our own) to remember us for something. As my husband and I talked during this drive home he said something that made me think about the very fact that I am glad I am a christian. He said, "when you think of it that way no one really ever makes a difference in the world". He was saying that the world will continue to spin no matter who dies, because that's what God wants, but it made me think that yes, while our legacies here on earth might not last forever, our legacy in Heaven will. We are told in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everylasting life." That's what I was reminded of on this drive home; that I want my legacy to never end because I want to be remembered by my loved ones as a good, faithful, loving, christian wife, who gave everything she had to worship God; to live to glorify His name. When I get to that judgment block I want my Father to look at me and tell me to rest now, for I am safe past His doors where my legacy will last forevermore with Him.
So, while our time here on earth may seem as long as a monopoly game one day it will be over but the difference is that I already know I'm going to win the game as long as I keep Him in mind when gambling my pieces.
The chorus is what stood out the most but it is the entire song that gave me the hope in knowing and in seeing the bigger picture.
Mercy Me-"Bring the Rain"
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
can circumstances possibly
Change who I am forever in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on You, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Chorus:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
But suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
(chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord Almighty
"Blessed is the man who persevers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." -James 1:12
God Bless,
Kathryn
