This morning has been a good one. I feel myself coming back to finding my Father and it's hopeful, special, thankful. I go through these phases where I lose sight, lose faith, lose strength and I feel so disconnected from Him. I'm thankful for these phases because they truly are little tests for me. He uses them to help me always come back to Him and for that I say I'm thankful that I found Him on my own and not through a family tradition or anyone's pressures. I made that decision to take on a new life for Christ, for no one else but me and I'm glad.
I was surprised that I had any energy at all to push our workout this morning. I think I surprised my mother-in-law a little bit because I kept going and she tried to keep going too. I'm not sure if it was because I watched The Biggest Loser and truly felt very fortunate to have the health that I have and the inspiration I gained from the show or not but this morning I meant business and I can only thank God for listening to my prayers and giving me the strength and the courage to push harder, to challenge myself.
Steve actually did come to Market Common this morning to run. I hope that it'll be something that will start helping to motivate him to get back into shape but I'm not going to push him. I'm just going to do it for me because I want health, because I want challenge, because I want to be able to climb that mountain for Him. I don't want to push Steve because that would be like me telling him to feel a certain way and I can't do that. It'd be no different than having someone tell you you should believe in God and not allowing you to come to the conclusion yourself. If he chooses to come I'll challenge him, push him because I know he truly can do more than he has been doing for himself and I know that with God's help I can break through. I can't quit on him when he needs me too. I just can't.
I'm thankful for life and health this morning. Thankful because I see what Japan is going through and I wonder why I walk around complaining about anything in life because there are people who have nothing now. I know that I have to be strong not just for myself but because if I'm not strong for myself I cannot be the strong person I need to be to help God's children. I don't want to be selfish or prideful. I want to be humbled every chance I get and I know and feel God working through me. I am empowered by others' stories and I want someone else to be empowered by mine one day, if not everyday. I know that I've been brought into this family to help and for them to help me. I can't quit and I can't run!
I've got to find a way to get over my personal battles quietly without inflicting pain on my husband because he's growing too and he'll continue to grow as long as I choose to edify and encourage him more and more. Perhaps I haven't done this enough and no matter what he's done for me that is my mission that he feels loved, and secure in me, always trusting me to do what I said I was going to do. I want him to feel unguarded and open one day.
My prayer this morning is simply a praise of thanksgiving for Christ's Almighty power. I am thankful I know of Him and have given my whole heart to Him because without Christ...I'd be nothing, not even human.
"Heavenly Father you have amazed me with your beauty and your power once again. Your loved fills my heart and with an abundance of joy I want to carry it for You always. Father I lose sight but You always have time to bring me back. In the midst of disaster elsewhere You still find time for me and I am forever grateful for the quality time we share. You are my Father and I truly am blessed and humbled by knowing and feeling Your work. Father I am so sorry for all those times, all those years that I doubted, that I was so clouded by myself that I didn't allow You to work through me. Father I ask Your powerful help in getting my husband to that point as well; help him feel free inside and out, free from doubt, worry, regret, shame, self-abuse. Father I ask for your forgivness for doubting you these past few days and I ask forgiveness in not forgiving others, as well as myself. I ask for Your courage to see Your children through Your eyes and not my own. Father guide me to the places You want me to be, to the future You want me to have and I ask for the courage and strength to walk that path for You. I want to, Father. For You, I will! In Your heavenly most precious and glorious name....amen."
