Testament of Lessons Learned

Here's the thing.

I have never pretended to be perfect. In most ways I am expectedly unperfect, but in other ways I am extraordinary. Do I have room to grow? Absolutely! This blog, "Me, My Narcissist, and God" is my story. It's my life. Day-in and day-out.

I know that to prove to myself and to my narcissist that anything is possible I have to step it up. I have to take that leap and try to defy gravity. Perhaps this is why I was chosen to be his wife, perhaps it's farther from God's plan than He would intend. I have to trust that He knows what's right and I've always, even as a kid, known that He was there.

I'd like to tell you of a little girl. She lived all alone with her dad and sister. Once upon a time she had a mother. After her mother and father divorced she lived vibrantly in the little girls imagination. Her mother could be "anything", she'd say but she'd always be there when she was needed most. The little girl was a tom-boy at first but after she and her family moved she got lost between the cracks. On one side you had the little girls who had their mother and were complete as women and on the other side you had the little girls who only had their daddy but were always known for being daddy's little girl. This little girl couldn't quite manage either one.

After her sister moved out of the house the little girl took care of her father, loving, feeding, and idolizing him as if she were 'daddy's little girl'. As the girl grew older and more reluctant to be her father's maid their relationship grew to non-existent.

One could say that because of the way the little girl grew up that she was bound to be labeled as damaged, which certainly wasn't short of her self-evaluations.

Years passed and she found herself two years into the marriage with problems from ear to ear. "Was she the one who caused it all for being 'damaged' goods?" Most would assume, "yes, she was". It was safe to presume that because she had fewer cheerleaders routing for her and less family that it had to be her that would be the death of the marriage.

Now at this point in the story don't believe everything that meets the eye, she was most certainly damaged in some ways, but "broken" she was not. All she needed was a little faith in her, a few more cheerleaders and she'd be ready to leave all the 'damaged' for good.

Now, the only question left wasn't whether she could do anything, but rather if she would.

Future Predictions

So many things running through my head right now. The majority of "lessons" I've learned are coming down to one single thought. "Have I truly learned from my mistakes enough to know not to let them happen again?"

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