Patience

Today, I've got one thing on my mind. One idea that I just can't seem to understand and maybe the riddle of life is that we aren't supposed to understand everything. God's ways are His ways anyway and I get that. I get that we're not supposed to understand everything but we're supposed to hope, and love, and fear Him.

The past few days has been a whirlwind of emotion all over again. I've got from blissful, to manic, to depressive, to happy, to just plain okay. It's been an irratic and uncontrollable and I've realized more than anything today a few things.

Number one, sometimes it's easier to give advice than it is to truly retain it and use it yourself. In my last post I talked about how God's timing is perfect but I also talked about those defining moments where you are environmental, physically, emotionally, and spiritually forced to make a decision that's going to "define" how you live your life after that. Because God is such an amazing Father we get ample opportunities to make, what seems like the same choices over and over if we don't choose wisely the first time. He's a giver of opportunities and multiple chances...why? The simple answer is because His love for us is beyond any measure of doubt. He sent His son while we were all still sinners and while we all hated Jesus, He died for us. Maybe because we hear this story told over and over we aren't fully able to really take it in. It's not just a story in a book that some guy wrote a long time ago and we doubt ever truly existed. It's real as if it were today. And maybe because we hear it so much it's to be a reminder of such. Regardless, that's not the first point I'd like to make. Recently, my faith and love for God has been tested beyond measures and while I've fallen short on several occasions, ultimately I've chosen Him yet again. I believe that throughout my life God has given me numerous opportunities to stand up for myself and my beliefs, to have that push that I needed to enter that next part of the journey. Last night was sort of the last straw and it became more clear to me that's what was happening.

Satan was using the most important person in my life, the closest to my heart against me, and he was trying to destroy my faith. It's what he does best, but this seemed more tricky than he's ever been before, to which I can only assume his own fears of losing me. It's funny because a couple of nights ago I remember going to bed and saying, "bring it on satan, bring it on". He definitely listened and brought on more than I could possible take, but with the help from God's wisdom through a friend and scriptures and my heart I didn't crumble. Last night I had my defining moment and although it may seem small to some, or selfish to others, or fears to others, for me...it was the moment where I excelled in the next chapter of my life. It was extremely scary because I'm afraid that I'll lose that person that means the most to me, but at the same time I can't sacrifice myself or my own faith just to keep that person. I'd be doing no glory for God, no justice for myself, and nothing for that other person.

The second thing I wanted to talk about has to do with the first. Giving, or at thinking you give more than others give you. What I've begun to read in my 12 Steps book is that sometimes these are flaws that develop from a dysfunctional family growing up that has translated into unhealthy thinking that make you either think that people are just out to get the good guy, or to think that you're better than someone else because you self-sacrifice or whatever. From listening to Jay, pastor of Grand Strand Church of Christ, God tells us that we are ALL on equal ground and that we ALL are going to the judgement. This concept and idea is so humbling to me because thinking about it I'm reminded that my peers, the ones who choose to ignore me instead of reaching out and encouraging, or the people at work who choose to live a different life from mine, with different religious backgrounds...we are ALL on equal ground and we are ALL going to be judged one day. Maybe I'm rare in this thinking but at the same time I'm flawed too. I can judge as well but when I think about the fact that a gay friend or a murder or a rapist out in the world today...I try my best not to be hurt or offended by their actions because number 1 they were innocent babies too, number 2 they are humans who've chosen a different path than I, and number three they aren't wrong if they truly haven't found the right path yet. That path is God and Jesus Christ and it's our job to help them find it, with the wisdom and glory He gives to us to help them find it. It's not our job to judge or shame or condemn them. So this second topic isn't only directed towards the "worst of the worst" if you choose to look at it that way, it's directed towards all sinners, including myself and the sincerity of our intentions to edify and encourage others, not because we're the good guys and one day we'll be blessed because of it, but because we are children of God and this is our job, this is what we're paid for and if you're paid with nothing less than life with no riches but you have faith that God is Lord and Almighty than you're the one of the riches in the world, I'd say. So, when I get frustrated because I send a mass text to friends edifying and encouraging them to have a wonderful day it should be because I'm doing my job and not because I expect them to reach out to me when I'm sad. This is often where I am wrong and where I need to practice patience, which brings me to third topic I'd like to talk about.

However, I have to start getting ready for work so I'm going to go and I'll write more later after work. Thank you for taking the time in reading this post and my hope is that something in this blog has pierced your heart, giving you the notion to open your eyes and see that there just might be a defining moment right around the corner, waiting to be made. May I encourage you to fight the fears and take that first step; we'll do it together.

Brooke Christl- "Beautiful Me" Photoshoot!

Cross your fingers that I contacted Betty, office manager for Brooke Christl Photography in time because if so that means I'm DOING THE BEAUTIFUL ME PHOTOSHOOT!!!!!!! Yay! This is huge because not only is this something that I've wanted to do for a while but it's the only thing I wanted for my 25th birthday in October! I didn't think it would happen because of money but they lowered the price so now with this special deal I'll be saving $200 AND the photos will be ready for my birthday! Yay! I'm so excited but like I said, 'cross your fingers'!

Just had to share!

"The Poor Man's Hollywood"

It's been a few days, alright, it's been since Monday that I've written and so far I haven't quite kept up with my end of the bargain have I? I set out to write every day and I've obviously fallen short, but tonight I'm reminded that it's okay. It's okay sometimes to fall short of your goals, especially when you can find your resolve to get back up and strive again.

I'm in the middle of reading some very real and interesting information that's really going to, and is helping me understand more about myself. I'm learning the ins and outs of my illness and really learning when to take proactive steps to prevent hurtful symptoms that are truly, uncontrollable.

What I mean is that I'll always have this illness inside of me, which is the 'uncontrollable' part, but what I can control are my own preventative measures that surround this condition and truly that surround life. I know that I cannot control my environment such as the weather or what peers think and do, but I can control how I will react to the unknown. Instead of fearing it God lets us know that He is there and to rest on Him through our doubts so that we may pass through that barrier of fear and know that there is hope. He tells us to trust in Him when we are afraid, weak, and weary of life.

While I was on break from this book I've been reading I went down to the laundry room to switch my clothes over to the dryer. At first I was motivated to come straight home and pick back up where I left off in my book. I felt like there was a pressure in getting as much information as possible tonight, but God had other plans.

Remember last week I wrote about a man by the name of Jamie Simms? He was the author who started talking to me while I was at work one day about his life and his tribulations. Well, God did it again.

I wasn't able to catch her name but she had the sweetest eyes I've seen in a while. They were the palest of blue, which seemed to compliment her translucent skin. Her face was no doubt worn from the years but her skin looked soft and pure, wholesome and healthy might be better words. She looked so delicate.

As I began loading a load of white clothes into the washer she began talking to me about the weather and how she'd moved here from Florida partially because she'd heard that the weather wasn't as hot. At this comment I began to chuckle knowing that if I've learned anything from 15 years in Myrtle Beach, it's that the weather, specifically the humidity, isn't as comforting as some of the tourist would hope for; unless you have very dry skin, in which the humidity would help that tremendously. Still, I stood there thinking "yeah, no kidding!"

As she began to tell me about her recent desire to change her surroundings I became more interested in her words. I thought, I could certainly appreciate when she'd said, "when you find out that you're sick you just realize that you don't want to be alone anymore so you change it". She didn't talk about what was wrong with her, which I thought was refreshingly different considering we live in a world where most people take a victimizing stance on life, where everything just seems to happen to them and that allows them to act the way that they act, or be the people they choose to be. Well, yes, you can choose to be someone who sits with self-pity or you can choose to be someone who makes their own set of circumstances instead of letting the uncontrollable define you as a victim. It became clear that she was the latter.

She'd chosen to research her options and retirement facility in VA, where she'd originally lived before moving to Florida. She went on to tell me about all of the perks of living in such a facility that provides care for the elderly and disabled. They have their own grocery market and library/computer lab. They provide services such as grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning services. They provide a bus to transport and set up "trips" to travel the local areas, and Wal-mart if necessary, on-site physical therapists, and personal pharmaceutical deliveries. From her excitement it was clear that she has grown very passionate in relocating to this particular facility and has made that decision to change her surroundings in order to become the healthier, happier person that she wants to be. She's gotten to that point in her life when she knows she's getting older, she knows she wants change, she knows she wants acceptance, and she knows she's the only one that's going to make it happen for herself, just like her decision to leave Florida.

"The poor man's Hollywood", as she'd named the state of Florida. Her description of Floridians seemed spot on in some areas, but in others were a little too judgemental. She'd said that the whole place just seemed like they were trying too hard to be something that they weren't. She said that they weren't nice in that "they went out of their way to be rude". She used words such as "aggressive", "fake", "showy", and even "unsophisticated". She explained that most people she'd seen did things that just weren't right or moral for humans to do, like drinking on the job, or an employee smashing glass bottles in the super market parking lot. "A lot of drinkers and partiers", she'd said. She said that a lot of people drove nice cars but they didn't have any money and that they just had this sort of better than everyone attitude about life. She said that the aggressiveness was ultimately the last straw in her decision to move here.

Of course I bare no judgement on Floridians because I, myself, haven't really had bad experiences with Floridians, however, I have not lived there. In fact, one of Steve's best friends of 15 years has lived in Florida for quite some time, which on one level made me snicker at some of the words she'd chosen to use because they were the same words I would've used to describe him. Regardless, my judgement remains mute simply for the fact that I know that people all have different opinions and perceptions of life in general.

It's not so much that it's Florida, the state, but rather the times in life when things are aggressive and uncontrollable. When life around you is seemingly so uncontrollable that it can put you in such a state of depression, but that it doesn't have to. There is hope that there is something that you can control, especially in the midst of chaos.

I think the importance of this experience was that she got to a point in her life where she realized that something wasn't working for her and she knew and took the responsibility of taking that next step to change it. I admired that about her because even in her rant she never once gave me the indication that she was proud of such an achievement. That's not to say that she's not happy with her decision or proud that she changed her life, because I'm sure she is, but she wasn't boastful about it. There was a certain sense of control, and ease in her actions, a comfort in knowing that she was alone and that she did have the strength, regardless of her circumstances.

A few days ago something miraculous happened. Actually, a few amazing things happened in my own life that has brought me admiration for meeting this woman in the laundry room. A few days ago I started a bible study called "Soul Shaping: Disciplines that conform you to the image of Christ". It's written by Tim Wilson and was a gift I'd received last year for Christmas. In the beginning of chapter one of this study the author talks about not only the value of God's impeccable timing but also those defining moments that we experience in life. A defining moment is "a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significance ramifications for the future direction of your life".

First, I'd like to acknowledge the value of God's impeccable timing in sharing with you one of the stories the author used.

"Timing is everything

The period of the judges was the "wild, wild West" of biblical times, featuring battles between Israel and its enemies, the Moabites, the Philistines, the Amalekites, and the Ammonites. One of the judges, Samson, exercised great feats of strength. This colorful character used the jawbone of a donkey as a weapon to defeat the Philistines (see Judges 15:15) and killed a lion with his bare hands; later he returned and ate honey from its carcass (see Judges 14:6-9). Another judge, Gideon, was the youngest son from the weakest family in Manasseh; yet God used him to defeat the Midianites and the Amalekites. Under God's direction he whittled down the army from 22,000 to 300 troops before they attacked and defeated the Midianites with trumpets, fire, and swords (see Judges 7).

Another judge of Israel was Deborah (see Judges 4:5). I know I am stating the obvious, but Deborah was a woman. Many people have the mistaken notion that God is seist. Perhaps they are confusing the Bible's cultural setting with its message. While much of Scripture is set in a repressive culture, the Bible's message is liberating, showing the value of all human life. All people are created in God's image-men and women alike. Furthermore, all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. The apostle Paul gave the definitive word on all humanity's equality before God when he wrote, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nore female: for yea are all one in Christ Jesus." (Gal. 3:28, KJV).

Deborah was more than just a judge. She was the only judge described as a prophetess'. Like Moses before her, she spoke to the people for God during a difficult time in their history. God didn't choose Deborah as a judge and a prophetess to be inclusive. HE chose the best person for the job, and she excelled in it.

The times demanded a strong leader. The people of God were captives in Canaan under Jabin, the king of Canaan, and Sisera, his commander. General Barak and his army were doing nothing about the situation, so Deborah summoned him to her court and said to him, "Hasn't the Lord, the God of Israel, commanded [you]: 'Go, deploy [the troops] on Mount Tabor, and take with you 10,000 men from the Naphtalites and Zebulunites'?" (see Judges 4:6).

Deborah took a no-nonsense approach with Barak: she called him out for his laziness, fear, and doubt, demanding that he account for his inaction. She reminded him that God had already promised that He would lure Sisera and his army into a location where Israel's army would prevail against them. Barak agreed to go but only if Deborah would go with him. She consented to go into battle with Barak, but she warned him that his conquest would be void of honor and that he would not defeat Sisera. God would use a woman to do that.

Timing was everything. They needed to launch the attack at just the right time. How would Deborah know when to attack? Ten thousand men followed Barak into battle, while Sisera brought nine hundred iron chariots to the theater of operations. Barak followed Deborah, and Deborah followed God. She depended on Him to know when the time was right.

When the time was right, Deborah told Barak to attack. Timing was everything. They needed the element of surprise. Deborah relied on God to give her the wisdom she needed to discern the proper time to give the attack order.

When the army of the Lord descended on Canaan's army, the Lord confused the enemy, and the Lord's army was triumphant. It destroyed everyone except Sisera, who left his chariot and fled on foot to find sanctuary in the home of a friend. The friend's wife welcomed him into their tent and offered him something to drink. Exhausted, he asked her to stand watch for him while he got some sleep. As he drifted off, he didn't know that he would never awake. Using a tent stake, the woman killed him in his sleep. Meanwhile, Barak, filled with confidence from the battle, led a hunt for Sisera. When Barak arrived at the tent, Heber's wife showed Barak Sisera's dead body. As Deborah had prophesied, God used a woman to defeat Sisera. "That day God subdued Jabin king of Canaan before the Israelites. The power of the Israelites continued to increase against Jabin king of Canaan until they destroyed him" (see Judges 4:23-24). God's timing was right.

Again, a defining moment is a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significant ramifications for the future direction of your life. Albeit a woman who needed to move out of an aggressive atmosphere to find a sense of friendship, community, and peace; or a woman who chooses to let God define her life and behaviors instead of a mental illness; or a man who enters the battle of recovering from years of addiction. The hope is knowing that God's timing is right!

Random

Right about now I feel like I'm eating everything in sight like some goat or something. What is going on? AHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In other news....I've got 24 more ounces of water to drink and 15 minutes until my challenges for today are complete! Yay!

Daily Challenge: 1

Today I'm going to challenge myself to drink 8-8 ounce glasses of water. I'm usually very good about drinking water, however, lately I've been drinking apple juice and cranberry juice, which isn't too bad considering it's not like soda. I've finished my cranberry juice and I want to focus on drinking more water again. So today, 8-8 ounce glasses of water!

My second challenge for today will be staying off of Facebook for the remainder of the night. I know, it doesn't seem like it should be much of a challenge but everytime I connect with the internet I find myself checking both e-mails and immediately after, my facebook. So, to limit my usuage and to discipline myself I will be challening myself to no Facebook for the rest of the day.

My third challenge today will be limited text messaging to one person in particular. Nothing against this person or texting, however, it's a similar situation as Facebook. I need to discipline myself, again, to think beyond only wanting to communicate with this person. I've got to remember to protect my heart and at the same time be kind, patient, and understanding.

Those are my challenges today.

Week One: A Spiritual Journey: A Working Guide to Healing

A couple of posts ago I talked about a workbook that I had begun working through during my time spent in Shelocta, PA. In that recent post I aslo talked about using my blog as my accountability partner and small support group. Starting with this blog I'll summarize Week One through Week Four before I begin work on each Step.

In the last blog that I wrote I talked about the preparation and readiness that we must have in order to be useful to God's will. Such is this journey we're beginning as well. If you think about a company that usually hires from outside their regular employees most will agree that the sole purpose is to train a fresh mind.

Some of the benefits of working a workbook like this, twelves steps, helps to reclaim our birthright as children of a compassionate God. We were created in His image and have the gift of free will. The journey we are about to begin is intended to awaken us to God's grace and give us opportunity to experience peaceful and productive living. Feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and inferiority diminsh and are replaced by spiritual strength and virtues. Focusing on our new relationship with God transforms our obsessive need for other people's approval. Our attention is, instead, captivated by the promise of new life in Christ. Ask yourself, What personal need brings you to this meeting or step study? Describe your practice of prayer, Bible reading, or quiet time.

The twelves steps takes us from a life of confusion and grief to a place of peace and serenity-one day at a time. Many changes will happen, however, they will not happen all at once. This process will take time, devotion, and patience. God, in His time, instills in us the strength of character that only comes from a healthy relationship with Him. Describe your present spiritual condition.

Because of the chaotic conditions of our childhood, we developed behaviors that now sabotage and assault the successful management of our lives as adults. Having grown up in emotionally repressive families, we became accustomed to denying our pain and discomfort. Most of us found it necessary to shut down our feelings and keep everything locked inside. We learned that expressing our own wants and needs caused rejection. This rejection stimulated intense feelings of inadequacy. Recall one painful incident from childhood.

In our present environments, we may have trouble freely expressing pain, fear, anger, or need. We repress our true feelings because we continue to view our environment the same as we did in childhood. When we openly express our needs, we risk rejection. In order to avoid rejection, many of us compensate for our repressed feelings by doing things to extreme. Our behavior may include preoccupation with relationships, our church, and our job. Or we may cover our true feelings through overwork, overeating, or abuse of mood-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. What behaviors do you use to compensate for or cover your uncomfortable feeling? How do these behaviors affect the rest of your life?

The healing process begins when we look honestly at ourselves. We see the chaotic conditions of our lives as a result of not being prepared for adult relationships and responsibilities. God has given us free will. We can choose several ways of relating to the people and events in our lives. It is important to set aside some of our negative childhood messages and begin the work of learning new behaviors that will better serve us. Some of us were taught to believe that, if we are Christians, our lives will "automatically" be in order, and we will experience peace and serenity. Yet many Christians know their lives are in turmoil despite their intense devotion to religion. Time, patience, and commitment to God's principles and ways are required to change. And our Christian experience doesn't magically erase the pain or consequences of the past. Instead, our faith empowers us to live life according to God's will.

For Christians who suffer from and addictive disease, or who are the product of a family with addictive traits, the Church's message can sometimes be perceived as shaming. This can keep a person from seeking recovery. There is rarely confusion, however, when the Church's message is honesty. The Bible modeled this honesty by documenting the strengths and weaknesses of God's people. Unfortunately, for some, to admit to imperfection might mean that we are not good Christians. In reality, to admit to imperfection means we need God, and that's OK. True recovery begins as we work the spiritual principles embodied in the twelve steps. It is most easily accomplished when we acknowledge our need for help, comfort, and courage to face our problems.

Explain how your religious experience reinforced your tendency to deny your need for healing.

Standing before the Lord and seeking his healing grace does not automatically relieve us of the conseqences of our past behavior. We do find, however, that by asking God for help in facing our old behaviors, we are able to begin the work of change and healing. Diligently seeking God's will for us and working the material in this book enables us to reexamine our relationship with God. With the help of God's grace we experience changes in our unwanted behaviors such as people pleasing, repressed anger, obsessive thinking, or inappropriate sexual behavior. Through our relationship with Christ we are able to redefine the limits we set for ourselves, and we discover that "all things are possible" for those who love God.

What unwanted behaviors do you see in your shadow?

With God's power, the twelve step program can be a tool to relieve our suffering, fill our emptiness, and help us extend God's presence in our lives. This releases energy, love, and joy that are new to us. It is a program we follow at our own pace, in our own way. We walk this journey one step at a time, with God's help and with the support of others in the program. All we need is an open mind. Much of the work is done by God's Spirit working through us. If we work the steps faithfully, we notice improvements in ourselves: our awareness, our sensitivity, our ability to love and be free. Our spiritual and emotional growth may surprise us.

Hope for the broken hearted

As I promised here I am, writing. When I thought about writing earlier I didn't really think of what to say, so I just decided to think a little bit more about the inspiration to my blog post for today. It wasn't necessarily that I was out of ideas but rather that I had too many. As it often goes I had to organize my mental filing cabinet, deciding where the ideas were going to go before anything could actually make it in the files. Yeah, maybe that metaphor was a little too comlex for this time of night. haha.

Either way, I'm here.

I wanted to write about a simple prayer I'd had for the past few nights actually, which first I must say that I used to think that prayers worked like throwing coins in the wishing well where if you tell someone what you wished for it wouldn't come true. I've since realized that prayer isn't quite the same. Recently, I've started to pray that God mold me and make me into an able body to better serve His will. I've realized that through the past few months I couldn't help others the way that I was supposed to because I was so selfishly caught up in my own injuries to truly help with theirs. I know now that it's necessary for us to go through certain circumstantial situations in order to truly have the tools to not only sympathize but empathize and encourage others.

I also wanted to write about the broken-hearted and how such a little "word" could bring so much meaning and fullness to that of a broken heart. Hope. You see it was through my prayer to God that He was able to show me my hope. My hope in the purpose and plan He had for me, the hope in the beauty of my circumstances, the hope for the future anew.

Yesterday was a relatively great day! I really couldn't complain too much because I'd slept for so long, which made me feel like I'd caught up and was rested well enough to get through the night at work. I'd also taken the opportunity to enjoy lunch with a special friend of mine which was nice just getting to know another person for no other reason than to simply add to the knowledge of human behaviors and pure love and concern for their well being. As I went to work, positively being proactive with my mood by listening to my K-LOVE 88.9 in the car I started to think about the possibilities in my life again. I quickly became inspired to truly get going in my own healing process because time is so impatient.

Not only ten minutes was I at work and a man by the name of Jamie Simms came in to our store very interestingly. I had been at the front of the store greeting new guests in and out and as I was talking with another employee I was interested to see why this particular man had been standing closely as if he needed something. So I asked if there was anything I could help him find and as I walked towards him I felt such an urge to talk with him. He wasn't a particularily "interesting" looking man, but there's was just something about him that I knew I needed to talk to him because he was someone of importance. I departed from the employee and we began to talk about the Halloween decorations a certain pumpkin he'd been searching for since his last visit to our store. I was quick to show him where the item was located and he began to tell me about himself. As he walked through the front door I remember wondering why he was carrying a manilla folder with what looked like clippings from a newspaper but I wasn't about to ask him what it was. As he talked more about himself he then showed me what he'd brought with him. I'd learned that he was a broken heart as well. Perhaps he was brought to me for guidance, or just simply a kind smile, but there was a reason he'd come into our store... far greater than any pumpkin he'd see the week before.

I was in awe at the amount of information that this man shared with me and as he continued to talk I could feel my heart build and understand what he might be feeling. He'd told me of his newest achievement of writing his first, self-published horror novel and while I don't particularily like reading horror novels, especially those with creepy children as the main characters, I felt his pride through his words. He showed me the artwork for his book as well as the photograph he used to fill the back cover of the book. It wasn't in this information that I could relate but it was in that his girlfriend recently left him and he'd been apparently robbed of his first novel, "stolen" by the first publishing house he'd lost $40,000 to. So it was in those words that he was telling me that I could relate my feelings of neglect and hopelessness.

I felt such admiration to even be standing with such an interesting character, to be doing God's will by giving him advice and a testimony of my own recent attacks of faith. I'd told him that at the end of the day he had to know that if his love for his novel is what got him through to never give that up for anyone, but to know that there is hope in loving himself again. He'd been so hurt and I could tell because his constant usage of the word "alone" or "lonely", but I advised him that if he could get to a point where being "alone" was a gift and not a burden because of something he'd done wrong, than he'd find the person he desired because they would seek him.

After a little more conversation I began to see the appreciate on his face for my kind words and my patient responses and the intense concern I shared for this perfect stranger. He'd said, "and then I find and meet cool and sweet people like you and you're all married." At the end of our meeting I concluded my concern and appreciation for him with eye contact and a firm handshake thanking him for taking the time to share his story with me. As he turned around and began to walk out I could feel my heart smiling because it was just what I'd prayed for the night before. God had done it once again. He'd given me even more hope that He had before. He'd helped use my pain and struggle and the lessons I learned to help someone else through theirs. It only made me turn around with a happy, excited, bounce as I took comfort in knowing what I was now capable of.

The moral of the story isn't simply to be proud of yourself and what you do. God dwells in us. He is the one that's making this all possible, but we have to prepare ourselves for His work through us. Sometimes even in those darkest of days if all you can do is move slowly, staggered, and blinded...the purpose is to keep moving because eventually the path becomes narrow, straight, firm with His glory lighting your way.

As I close may I ask that tonight, even if you think you're "good" with God, to ask Him to mold you and make you to better do His will; that you not only see others through His eyes but that He give you the strength and the hope to be both willing and able to better serve Him. An influential woman once told me that sometimes you just have to finish the race. Just keep moving and He'll help you find the right path.