"The Poor Man's Hollywood"

It's been a few days, alright, it's been since Monday that I've written and so far I haven't quite kept up with my end of the bargain have I? I set out to write every day and I've obviously fallen short, but tonight I'm reminded that it's okay. It's okay sometimes to fall short of your goals, especially when you can find your resolve to get back up and strive again.

I'm in the middle of reading some very real and interesting information that's really going to, and is helping me understand more about myself. I'm learning the ins and outs of my illness and really learning when to take proactive steps to prevent hurtful symptoms that are truly, uncontrollable.

What I mean is that I'll always have this illness inside of me, which is the 'uncontrollable' part, but what I can control are my own preventative measures that surround this condition and truly that surround life. I know that I cannot control my environment such as the weather or what peers think and do, but I can control how I will react to the unknown. Instead of fearing it God lets us know that He is there and to rest on Him through our doubts so that we may pass through that barrier of fear and know that there is hope. He tells us to trust in Him when we are afraid, weak, and weary of life.

While I was on break from this book I've been reading I went down to the laundry room to switch my clothes over to the dryer. At first I was motivated to come straight home and pick back up where I left off in my book. I felt like there was a pressure in getting as much information as possible tonight, but God had other plans.

Remember last week I wrote about a man by the name of Jamie Simms? He was the author who started talking to me while I was at work one day about his life and his tribulations. Well, God did it again.

I wasn't able to catch her name but she had the sweetest eyes I've seen in a while. They were the palest of blue, which seemed to compliment her translucent skin. Her face was no doubt worn from the years but her skin looked soft and pure, wholesome and healthy might be better words. She looked so delicate.

As I began loading a load of white clothes into the washer she began talking to me about the weather and how she'd moved here from Florida partially because she'd heard that the weather wasn't as hot. At this comment I began to chuckle knowing that if I've learned anything from 15 years in Myrtle Beach, it's that the weather, specifically the humidity, isn't as comforting as some of the tourist would hope for; unless you have very dry skin, in which the humidity would help that tremendously. Still, I stood there thinking "yeah, no kidding!"

As she began to tell me about her recent desire to change her surroundings I became more interested in her words. I thought, I could certainly appreciate when she'd said, "when you find out that you're sick you just realize that you don't want to be alone anymore so you change it". She didn't talk about what was wrong with her, which I thought was refreshingly different considering we live in a world where most people take a victimizing stance on life, where everything just seems to happen to them and that allows them to act the way that they act, or be the people they choose to be. Well, yes, you can choose to be someone who sits with self-pity or you can choose to be someone who makes their own set of circumstances instead of letting the uncontrollable define you as a victim. It became clear that she was the latter.

She'd chosen to research her options and retirement facility in VA, where she'd originally lived before moving to Florida. She went on to tell me about all of the perks of living in such a facility that provides care for the elderly and disabled. They have their own grocery market and library/computer lab. They provide services such as grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning services. They provide a bus to transport and set up "trips" to travel the local areas, and Wal-mart if necessary, on-site physical therapists, and personal pharmaceutical deliveries. From her excitement it was clear that she has grown very passionate in relocating to this particular facility and has made that decision to change her surroundings in order to become the healthier, happier person that she wants to be. She's gotten to that point in her life when she knows she's getting older, she knows she wants change, she knows she wants acceptance, and she knows she's the only one that's going to make it happen for herself, just like her decision to leave Florida.

"The poor man's Hollywood", as she'd named the state of Florida. Her description of Floridians seemed spot on in some areas, but in others were a little too judgemental. She'd said that the whole place just seemed like they were trying too hard to be something that they weren't. She said that they weren't nice in that "they went out of their way to be rude". She used words such as "aggressive", "fake", "showy", and even "unsophisticated". She explained that most people she'd seen did things that just weren't right or moral for humans to do, like drinking on the job, or an employee smashing glass bottles in the super market parking lot. "A lot of drinkers and partiers", she'd said. She said that a lot of people drove nice cars but they didn't have any money and that they just had this sort of better than everyone attitude about life. She said that the aggressiveness was ultimately the last straw in her decision to move here.

Of course I bare no judgement on Floridians because I, myself, haven't really had bad experiences with Floridians, however, I have not lived there. In fact, one of Steve's best friends of 15 years has lived in Florida for quite some time, which on one level made me snicker at some of the words she'd chosen to use because they were the same words I would've used to describe him. Regardless, my judgement remains mute simply for the fact that I know that people all have different opinions and perceptions of life in general.

It's not so much that it's Florida, the state, but rather the times in life when things are aggressive and uncontrollable. When life around you is seemingly so uncontrollable that it can put you in such a state of depression, but that it doesn't have to. There is hope that there is something that you can control, especially in the midst of chaos.

I think the importance of this experience was that she got to a point in her life where she realized that something wasn't working for her and she knew and took the responsibility of taking that next step to change it. I admired that about her because even in her rant she never once gave me the indication that she was proud of such an achievement. That's not to say that she's not happy with her decision or proud that she changed her life, because I'm sure she is, but she wasn't boastful about it. There was a certain sense of control, and ease in her actions, a comfort in knowing that she was alone and that she did have the strength, regardless of her circumstances.

A few days ago something miraculous happened. Actually, a few amazing things happened in my own life that has brought me admiration for meeting this woman in the laundry room. A few days ago I started a bible study called "Soul Shaping: Disciplines that conform you to the image of Christ". It's written by Tim Wilson and was a gift I'd received last year for Christmas. In the beginning of chapter one of this study the author talks about not only the value of God's impeccable timing but also those defining moments that we experience in life. A defining moment is "a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significance ramifications for the future direction of your life".

First, I'd like to acknowledge the value of God's impeccable timing in sharing with you one of the stories the author used.

"Timing is everything

The period of the judges was the "wild, wild West" of biblical times, featuring battles between Israel and its enemies, the Moabites, the Philistines, the Amalekites, and the Ammonites. One of the judges, Samson, exercised great feats of strength. This colorful character used the jawbone of a donkey as a weapon to defeat the Philistines (see Judges 15:15) and killed a lion with his bare hands; later he returned and ate honey from its carcass (see Judges 14:6-9). Another judge, Gideon, was the youngest son from the weakest family in Manasseh; yet God used him to defeat the Midianites and the Amalekites. Under God's direction he whittled down the army from 22,000 to 300 troops before they attacked and defeated the Midianites with trumpets, fire, and swords (see Judges 7).

Another judge of Israel was Deborah (see Judges 4:5). I know I am stating the obvious, but Deborah was a woman. Many people have the mistaken notion that God is seist. Perhaps they are confusing the Bible's cultural setting with its message. While much of Scripture is set in a repressive culture, the Bible's message is liberating, showing the value of all human life. All people are created in God's image-men and women alike. Furthermore, all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. The apostle Paul gave the definitive word on all humanity's equality before God when he wrote, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nore female: for yea are all one in Christ Jesus." (Gal. 3:28, KJV).

Deborah was more than just a judge. She was the only judge described as a prophetess'. Like Moses before her, she spoke to the people for God during a difficult time in their history. God didn't choose Deborah as a judge and a prophetess to be inclusive. HE chose the best person for the job, and she excelled in it.

The times demanded a strong leader. The people of God were captives in Canaan under Jabin, the king of Canaan, and Sisera, his commander. General Barak and his army were doing nothing about the situation, so Deborah summoned him to her court and said to him, "Hasn't the Lord, the God of Israel, commanded [you]: 'Go, deploy [the troops] on Mount Tabor, and take with you 10,000 men from the Naphtalites and Zebulunites'?" (see Judges 4:6).

Deborah took a no-nonsense approach with Barak: she called him out for his laziness, fear, and doubt, demanding that he account for his inaction. She reminded him that God had already promised that He would lure Sisera and his army into a location where Israel's army would prevail against them. Barak agreed to go but only if Deborah would go with him. She consented to go into battle with Barak, but she warned him that his conquest would be void of honor and that he would not defeat Sisera. God would use a woman to do that.

Timing was everything. They needed to launch the attack at just the right time. How would Deborah know when to attack? Ten thousand men followed Barak into battle, while Sisera brought nine hundred iron chariots to the theater of operations. Barak followed Deborah, and Deborah followed God. She depended on Him to know when the time was right.

When the time was right, Deborah told Barak to attack. Timing was everything. They needed the element of surprise. Deborah relied on God to give her the wisdom she needed to discern the proper time to give the attack order.

When the army of the Lord descended on Canaan's army, the Lord confused the enemy, and the Lord's army was triumphant. It destroyed everyone except Sisera, who left his chariot and fled on foot to find sanctuary in the home of a friend. The friend's wife welcomed him into their tent and offered him something to drink. Exhausted, he asked her to stand watch for him while he got some sleep. As he drifted off, he didn't know that he would never awake. Using a tent stake, the woman killed him in his sleep. Meanwhile, Barak, filled with confidence from the battle, led a hunt for Sisera. When Barak arrived at the tent, Heber's wife showed Barak Sisera's dead body. As Deborah had prophesied, God used a woman to defeat Sisera. "That day God subdued Jabin king of Canaan before the Israelites. The power of the Israelites continued to increase against Jabin king of Canaan until they destroyed him" (see Judges 4:23-24). God's timing was right.

Again, a defining moment is a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significant ramifications for the future direction of your life. Albeit a woman who needed to move out of an aggressive atmosphere to find a sense of friendship, community, and peace; or a woman who chooses to let God define her life and behaviors instead of a mental illness; or a man who enters the battle of recovering from years of addiction. The hope is knowing that God's timing is right!