Apparently telling myself that I'm not going to let my disorders take control over me does the trick. After writing the last post I decided to just man-up, which is something very difficult to do when you're someone like me. I called Diane and told her that before I take the position I'd like to just talk with her about some things as far as what I saw while shadowing. At first she tried to guilt me by saying she was going to "use" me today but that didn't work because you can't expect someone to work for you the day you want them to work only three hours from the time you originally called them. That's not my problem. So, I apologized for not being available, but at the same time I didn't feel guilty the way she'd hoped.
I stood up and told her that I wasn't certain if I was going to take the job and that the largest portion of why I wanted to take the time to think about it was because it's dealing with kids, not just a job for money. I have to really ask myself if I can be someone that is willing to be there for them and not the other way around. It would be my job but at the same time you have to provide stability and I wouldn't want to take the job without taking them into consideration.
So, I will most likely take the job and just remember that God believes in me and in my capabilities fully! He knows what I can and cannot do just yet and with Him I can do it all! I truly believe that if I stay close to Him, He will help me through it.
Just like He has with everything else.
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