"Go" Diet 3-20-2011

Lunch (1:30 pm)

Chicken Salad Lettuce Wraps w/purple grapes

(using low-fat plain yogurt instead of mayo)

Snack (3:30 pm)

Fresh Gala Apple & 3 Pitted Prunes

I did actually learn alot from this morning's L.E.A.N. class, but I think one of the most important lessons that I learned was this...for every minute I spend watching television and sitting down doing nothing, I should then exercise for the same amount of time. I think that's a really good thought because I spend a lot of time watching television online and most of the shows are anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes long so that means that either I need to be cleaning or doing exercises while I'm watching the show, or when I'm done, I need to go for a walk/jog. I like that idea or thought to think about because it really puts it into perspective how much time is being spent just doing nothing and it will allow me to maintain a healthy schedule for both relaxing and exercising.

no direction...

I've lost my place today and I can feel the pressure of not being able to move pretty soon. Paralyzed from the money situation.

"Father, lead me to the place where I need to be. Work. School. Hobby."

frustrated.

"Father, today I feel so grouchy. I feel so irritated and I'm not quite sure what it's from or why it's happening now. All I know is that I know that I'm sort've doing what I always do during times like this and that's pulling away. I don't want to, but it always seems to happen. So right now, today, this moment I'm going to push back and I wanna fight gravity. I know that's where I need to be, right beside you and for that little bit of time yesterday I know that I wasn't. I'm sorry for that. What I did was stupid and we both know it didn't benefit anyone, not even the seemingly relaxed moment. I know that I asked for forgiveness from You but I want to ask again. I don't deserve a Father like You. I know Your love is endless for me and I'm glad for moments of weakness because they're becoming few and far between but when they happen now it's just a simple 'why the heck did you do that? you knew it was dumb to do'. I'm sorry.

Father, it's hard to explain but you know how it ususally takes few days to set in when someone I love goes missing or isn't in the picture anymore. That's how I'm starting to feel right now. It's like there's this cosmic pull in a completely different direction where something has shifted its regularity. I know it's because of Kim's absence and I'm thankful but also sad. I'm thankful for this situation and these feelings because it tells me just how much she means to me, and how much of a part she plays in my own spiritual life, but I'm sad because she's still missing. I know it's temporary and everything will be planned by You and that I can trust she won't leave You forever.

Father, my prayer today is to ask for what I need and not what I want but I'm not sure what that is. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say or how I'm supposed to act or react. I know that my mild anger and frustration and worry isn't what needs to happen so I know that is something I can ask for. Father, please take it from my hands. I gladly give this worry to you and the frustration of things I cannot control. I'm frustrated because I feel like the church we are in is endless disappointment to those who actually try to make baby steps to make that happen and I feel like everyone has the same notion that if you're young you can't possible have a part in God's wisdom and knowledge like the elders do. Why can't they realize that what they're doing is actually allowing the eager bodies like me to feel discouraged because we can't shine. I'm frustrated because there are other people who take control and over power us and I do not like that at all.

Father, I just ask that You search my heart this morning, fill the cracks in my day so that I may come back and have a good day regardless. I pray all this in Your wonderful, magnificent name, amen."

"Soar on wings like eagles." -Isaiah 40:31

Have you ever stood at the top of a large rock and felt how big you were? How you climbed to the highest limb you could possibly reach? The sun's on your face and suddenly you feel like you're closer to it than if you were merely standing on solid ground. You spread your arms like wings and caress the wind as it floats past you; the light breeze becomes a cooling breathe of fresh air as you close your eyes. Breath in. Out.

There's a moment, a split second where I always imagine myself flying away. Perhaps that's why I love wings so much because in that moment I am a bird, free to fly anywhere I want, without worry of failed flight or attachment to anything. When I think about my faith I think it's just like that moment. Where you open your arms and let the wind power past your body as if you become part of it and the only thing holding you from whisping away is the confrontation of your feet touching the ground.

It's where you close your eyes and breath in and out; on the exhale feeling every threat leaving your body and into God's hands. In that moment it's a connection between my Father and I but He's not asking me to let go, I gladly do it on my own.

I know that when I am in a tough situation I can always count on this visualization to help me get through and often I find myself closing my eyes and breathing anyway. My faith is fearless because I know that at the top of that jagged rock or the tallest of trees...if my Father said "Now jump", I wouldn't hesitate.

Instead, I would soar.

Classic Case of Confidence

"Just as under-confidence comes with its list of symptoms, the same is true of confidence. A confident person feels safe. She believes [they are] loved, valuable, cared for, and safe in God's will for [them]. When we feel safe and secure, it's easy to step out and try new things. During the intial construction on the Golden Gate Bridge, no safety devices were used and twenty-three men fell to their deaths. For the final part of the project, however, a large net was used as a safety precaution. At least then men fell into it and were saved from certain death. Even more interesting, however, is the fact that 25% more work was accomplished after the net was installed. Why? Because the men had the assurance of their safety, and they were free to wholeheartedly serve the project.

When people feel safe, they are free to take a chance on failing in order to try to succeed. When we know we are loved for ourselves and not just our accomplishments or performance. we no longer need to fear failure. We realize that failing at something does not make us a failure at everything. We are free to explore and find out what we are best suited for. We are free to find our own niche in life, which is not possible without stepping out and finding out. Trial and error is the road to success, and you can't drive that road as long as your car is parked. So get moving, and God will direct you. When people are confident, they try things, and they keep trying until they find a way to be a successful in what God has called them to do.

Sure, life can sometimes make us feel like we're in over our heads, but the reality is that, without God, we're always in over our heads.

For example, a little three-year-old girl felt secure in her father's arms as Dad stood in the middle of a swimming pool. But Dad, for fun, began walking slowly toward the deep end, gently chanting "Deeper and deeper and deeper," as the water rose higher and higher on the child. The girl's face registered increasing degress of panic, as she held all the more tightly to her father, who, of course, easily touched the bottom. Had the little girl been able to analyze her situation, she'd have realized there was no reason for her increasing fear. The water's depth in ANY part of the pool was over her head. For her, safety anywhere in that pool depended on Dad.

At various points in our lives, all of us feel we're getting "out of our depth" or "in over our heads". There are problems all around: A job is lost, someone dies, there is strife in the family, or a bad report comes from the doctor. When these things happen, our temptation is to panic, because we feel we've lost control. But think about it-just like the child in the pool, the truth is we've never been in control when it comes to life's most crucial elements. We've always been held up by the grace of God, our Father, and that won't change. God is never out of His depth, and therefore we're as safe when we're in life's "deep end" as we were in the kiddie pool."

Confidence Deficiency

"Under-confidence is a condition; it might even be considered a sickness. And just like many other sicknesses, under-confidence is caused by a deficiency of one thing (confidence) and too much of another-in this case-fear. I refer to fear as an emotional virus because it begins as a thought in your head, then affects your emotions and behaviors-just like a flu virus might invade your body via a handshake or a sneeze and then make you feel miserable all over.

Fear is a dangerous virus, because a fearful person has no confidence and can never reach her potential in life. She won't step out of her comfort zone to do anything-especially something new or different. Fear is a cruel ruler, and its subjects live in constant torment.

It breaks my heart when I see people living fearfully, because without confidence, people can never know and experience true joy. The Holy Spirit of God Himself is grieved, because He has been sent into our lives to help us fulfill our God-ordained destinies. But you can't seek out your destiny when you've let fear slam and lock the door of your life. Instead, you cower behind the door, filled with self-hatred, condemnation, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of others.

Many victims of fear end p being people-pleasers, prone to being controlled and manipulated by others. They give up the right to be themselves and usually spend their lives trying to be what they think they ought to be in someone else's eyes.

Sadly , when we try to be something or someone we are not intended to be, we stifle ourselves and God's power in us. When we have confidence, we can reach truly amazing heights; without confidence, even simple accomplishments are beyond our grasp.

Now, you might have read the preceding paragraph-about "amazing heights," and thought to yourself, Yeah right, Joyce. I'm not able to do anything amazing. (And I'm scared of heights too.) Don't despair if you have thoughts like this. Throughout history, God has used ordinary people to do amazing, extraordinary things. Yet, all of them had to take a step of faith first. They had to confidently press forward into the unknown or unfamiliar before making any progress. They had to believe they could do what they were attempting to do. "Achieve" come before "Believe" in the dictionary, but the order is switched in real life.

It's important to note that, in many cases, successful people have tried many times and failed before they ultimately succeeded. They not only had to begin with confidence, they had to remain confident when every circumstance seemed to shout at them, "Failure! Failure! Failure!"

Consider inventor Thomas Edison. He once said, "I speak without exaggeration when I say that I have constructed three thousand different theories in connection with the electric light, each one of them reasonable and apparently likely to be true. Yet in two cases only did my experiments prove the truth of my theory."

That means that Edison developed 2,998 failed theories en route to arriving at success. In fact, the true story of the light bulb is a long, tedious tale of repeated trial and error. Imagine how Edison must have felt as the failures piled up by the dozens, then the hundreds, then the thousands. Yet, through it all, he kept pressing forward. He believed in his bright idea, so he didn't lose his determination.

Just because ordinary people take steps to accomplish extraordinary things does not mean they do not feel fear. I believe the Old Testament hero Esther felt fear when she was asked to leaver her familiar, comfortable life and enter the king's harem so she could be used by God to save her nation. I believe Joshue felt fear when, after Moses died, he was given the job of taking the Israelites into the Promised Land. I know I had fear when God called me to quit my job and prepare for ministry. I still remember my skees shaking and my legs feeling so weak that I thought I would fall down. I remember the fear I felt then, but it frightens me more now to think of how my life would have turned out had I not faced the fear and pressed forward to do God's will. Fear does not mean you are a coward. It only means that you need to be willing to feel the fear and do what you need to do anyway.

If I would have let the fear I felt stop me, where would I be today? What would I be doing? Woudl I be happy and fulfilled? Woudl I be writting a book right now on being a confident woman-or would I be sitting at home, depressed and wondering why my life had been such a disappointment? I believe a lot of unhappy people are individuals who have let fear rule their lives.

How about you, my dear reader? Are you doing what you really believe you should be doing at this stage in your life, or have you allowed fear and a lack of confidence to prevent you from stepping out into new things-or higher levels of old things? If you don't like your answer, then let me give you some good news: It is never too late to begin again! Don't spend one more day living a narrow life that has room for only you and your fears. Make a decision right now that you will learn to live boldly, aggressively, and confidently. Don't let fear rule you any longer.

It's important to note that you can't just sit around and wait for fear to go away. You will have to feel the fear and take action anyway. Or, as John Wayne put it, "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." In other words, courage is not the absence of fear; it is action in the presence of fear. Bold peopel do what they know they should do-not what they feel like doing.

As I write these words, I feel very excited for you. I truly believe this book will be life-changing for many of you who read it. It may be a good reminder for some of you, but for others it will help you step out onto the path of your true life. The life that has been waiting for you since the beginning of time-and the one you may have been missing due to fear and intimidation. Satan is the master of intimidation, but once you realize that he is the one behind all your hesitation, you can take authority over him by simply placing confidence in Jesus Christ and stepping out boldly to be all you can be. God told Joshua, "Fear not, for I am with you." He is sending you that same message today: FEAR NOT! God is with you, and He will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Abraham was told, "God is with you in all that you do" (Genesis 21:22). That sounds like large living to me. Are you ready for a larger life, one that leaves you feeling satisfied and fulfilled? I believe you are, and I want to do everything I can to help you on your journey.

I know what it is like to live in fear. Fear can actually make you sick to your stomach. It can make you so tense and nervous that everyone around you notices that something is wrong; it's that evident in your facial expressions and your body language. What's more, just as confidence is contagious, so is the lack of self-confidence. When we possess no inner confidence, no one else has confidence in us either. Imagine a timid, cowering basketball player, standing in the corner of the court with her arms wrapped around herself. Is anyone going to pass her the ball? Is anybody going to call out plays to her?

When we think people are rejecting us, we feel hurt by them. The basketball player in the example above might think that her teammates hate her or have something against her. But, for fearful, under-confident people, the root of the problem is that they are rejecting themselves. They are rejecting the person God intended them to be."

Thanksgiving

This morning has been a good one. I feel myself coming back to finding my Father and it's hopeful, special, thankful. I go through these phases where I lose sight, lose faith, lose strength and I feel so disconnected from Him. I'm thankful for these phases because they truly are little tests for me. He uses them to help me always come back to Him and for that I say I'm thankful that I found Him on my own and not through a family tradition or anyone's pressures. I made that decision to take on a new life for Christ, for no one else but me and I'm glad.

I was surprised that I had any energy at all to push our workout this morning. I think I surprised my mother-in-law a little bit because I kept going and she tried to keep going too. I'm not sure if it was because I watched The Biggest Loser and truly felt very fortunate to have the health that I have and the inspiration I gained from the show or not but this morning I meant business and I can only thank God for listening to my prayers and giving me the strength and the courage to push harder, to challenge myself.

Steve actually did come to Market Common this morning to run. I hope that it'll be something that will start helping to motivate him to get back into shape but I'm not going to push him. I'm just going to do it for me because I want health, because I want challenge, because I want to be able to climb that mountain for Him. I don't want to push Steve because that would be like me telling him to feel a certain way and I can't do that. It'd be no different than having someone tell you you should believe in God and not allowing you to come to the conclusion yourself. If he chooses to come I'll challenge him, push him because I know he truly can do more than he has been doing for himself and I know that with God's help I can break through. I can't quit on him when he needs me too. I just can't.

I'm thankful for life and health this morning. Thankful because I see what Japan is going through and I wonder why I walk around complaining about anything in life because there are people who have nothing now. I know that I have to be strong not just for myself but because if I'm not strong for myself I cannot be the strong person I need to be to help God's children. I don't want to be selfish or prideful. I want to be humbled every chance I get and I know and feel God working through me. I am empowered by others' stories and I want someone else to be empowered by mine one day, if not everyday. I know that I've been brought into this family to help and for them to help me. I can't quit and I can't run!

I've got to find a way to get over my personal battles quietly without inflicting pain on my husband because he's growing too and he'll continue to grow as long as I choose to edify and encourage him more and more. Perhaps I haven't done this enough and no matter what he's done for me that is my mission that he feels loved, and secure in me, always trusting me to do what I said I was going to do. I want him to feel unguarded and open one day.

My prayer this morning is simply a praise of thanksgiving for Christ's Almighty power. I am thankful I know of Him and have given my whole heart to Him because without Christ...I'd be nothing, not even human.

"Heavenly Father you have amazed me with your beauty and your power once again. Your loved fills my heart and with an abundance of joy I want to carry it for You always. Father I lose sight but You always have time to bring me back. In the midst of disaster elsewhere You still find time for me and I am forever grateful for the quality time we share. You are my Father and I truly am blessed and humbled by knowing and feeling Your work. Father I am so sorry for all those times, all those years that I doubted, that I was so clouded by myself that I didn't allow You to work through me. Father I ask Your powerful help in getting my husband to that point as well; help him feel free inside and out, free from doubt, worry, regret, shame, self-abuse. Father I ask for your forgivness for doubting you these past few days and I ask forgiveness in not forgiving others, as well as myself. I ask for Your courage to see Your children through Your eyes and not my own. Father guide me to the places You want me to be, to the future You want me to have and I ask for the courage and strength to walk that path for You. I want to, Father. For You, I will! In Your heavenly most precious and glorious name....amen."