Remember that I said in my last blog that I still had to write the rest of the blog before that; the one about patience? Well, I'm thinking that now is the best opportunity for me to do that. God really showed me today the importance of being slow to anger, not let my fears take over me, and to above all be quite and patient.
I started out this day mildly wrong. I woke up from a bad dream and before I could allow myself time to pray (#1 wrong choice) I let the fears and worries sink in. What did I do? I went immediately to the computer and started to e-mail (#2 wrong choice). Instead of giving encouragement I opened my mouth and wrath came out. I wasn't as hurtful as I could've been and in some ways maybe I wasn't hurtful at all, but I was wrong in sending the e-mails. I may not have been wrong about what needed to be said, but perhaps I was the wrong one to say it. I should've stopped, looked, and listened like I knew I should've done. If I had I would've heard God say, "Katie, you're being tested by satan. He's testing your strength by using the one person, with the one horrible thing, that gets to you the most. You've got to hold fast and be strong my daughter. You can't let him get to you like that because once he does, no matter how hard you try, he'll dig even deeper to try and tear you a part from you soul mate. Do you want that?"
A while back I pulled one of those infamous fortune sticks that I've talked about before. I appreciate that stick so much because it was a reminder that I speak so much louder with my words when they are negative than positive and much like weight management, it takes a lot longer to get rid of the weight of a negative comment than it does adding on the encouragement through positive comments. You can send positive after positive but all it takes is one negative to strike the core and all those little positives come tumbling down.
God also humbled me today and really put me in my place because I was starting to climb up that high horse again. As I'm sitting here thinking, I'm reminded of my own words just a few days ago that ALL of us are sinners and that ALL of us are going to be judged. If I'm not supposed to judge someone's choices because they're equivalent to my own. God sees no difference, sin is merely sin in His eyes. So today, we both sinned and it didn't matter what the difference was.
The only reason the choices and sin of someone else hurts is because you love that person and satan knew that by using them he was able to get to you. That's what he did to me this morning. He gave me bad dream set with characters from my fears and then he used me, through my language and negative encouragement to tear down someone I love dearly.
I hope that this afternoon we were able to counteract his efforts by forgiving each other and not judging each other for their choices of sin, but that's besides the point.
I'm just glad that He showed me this lesson, that he humbled me because this is something that is a constant struggle for me. Sometimes I simply just need to listen to my fortune stick when it reads, "You are aggressive. Be quiet and listen today."
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
God's Butterflies
I know that I have still yet to finish my last blog but I wanted to immediately come home and write about this amazing experience that God has presented before me!
As I was headed out to the bank to put a down payment on my birthday present I was excited to see the beautiful yellow butterflies that flew in front of the car. "What a perfect day", I thought as I drove on. The wonderful weather, the bright sun; not too much heat, not too much humidity. It's marvelous.
As I'm driving along I hear a wonderful sermon on the radion (89.5 His Radio). Pastor Ron Vietti, of the Valley Bible Fellowship, was talking about how we can't change our behaviors without changing our character. The point he was trying to make was just that, that if we're trying to live a Christ-centered life than we can't do that unless we first #1 peel off our old self and become a new babe in the eyes of Christ through baptism. We then can't expect to see changes if we aren't willing to change our cores, our characters. He tells us that we sin and will continue to sin unless we change our ways and that doesn't mean just simply changing our behaviors. He says that God sets the bar with perfection, but we know that as humans we can never reach perfection, however, that we should strive to reach it in this life or the next because the consequences of not trying, of giving up are far too great to risk. We can read these accolades through the beautiful proclaimations found in Psalm 119 and several other places in the bible.
After paying the deposit I hopped back in the car and found myself listening to yet another wonderful message, however, this one was through the teachings of Brother Chris Engrim from livingontheedge.com. It was through this lesson that I reached another defining moment in which I knew I had to come home and write about it. He passionately talked about our actions and behaviors and what they would be if we only had seven days to live. As I listened I asked myself, what would I do if I had only seven more days to live? Would I have been on Facebook checking status' and comments? Would I be on hulu.com watching one of my favorite television shows? Would I spend my time sleeping because the stresses of life were too much to bare? He talked about procrastination and time management so that we can ensure our lives are whole and just through God, focused on Him ALWAYS!
What I've learned is that it's much like the life of those beautiful butterflies I kept seeing fly around my car as I drove to and from home. Perhaps that was God's message to me, that I really look to see what sin is in my life that I need to change in order to draw closer to him. In Pastor Ron's lesson he talked about an article he'd read in a newspaper here recently. He said that there was an 18 year old girl who was reported missing for 8 days after she disappeared from a party in Washington state. He said that when the reporters talked to the parents they presumed that she was dead because no one had heard of anyone living after 8 days of no food or water; the parents and town thought she was dead. He said that somehow a woman in the church in the same town read this article and began to pray for God to help her find this girl. She said that she had dream after dream of God telling her where to look in the woods for this girl and finally He told her to "GO! Find her!" So the woman took her daughter and went to the spot that she'd seen in her dream. When they were there she said she prayed for God to help the girl cry out to them so that they would know where she was and as they called out "We love you", the girl answered "I'm here. I think I'm in trouble because I broke curfew."
He talks about the point of checking our character is because the closer we are to God, the better He can use us. And the less sin there is in our lives, the better we are able to hear His message. He said that after a while if we allow sin to be in our lives, without footing it out each time we sin, it will start to cloud our judgement and will drown out the message that God's trying to put within us.
As I said before it reminded me those beautiful butterflies. Aren't we, God's children, ALL mankind His butterflies? Don't we all start as something so tiny and unseen into a beautiful butterfly that can and will gladly, joyfully spread its wings? In fact once a butterfly reaches the caterpillar state it grows to about 27,000 times the size it was when it first emerged from its egg. Isn't that God's will for us, to strive to grow 27,000 times larger than what we were at the beginning?
I also learned that the wings of butteflies are actually transparent and that their wings are made of irredescent scales that overlap like shingles on a roof to form a colorful wing. Isn't that God's beautiful design in us? He gives us layer after layer of unique and individual design which vibrantly could only have been created through His nourishment? Butterflies also learn how to taste with their feet and that they do not have mouths that bite or chew. "Tasting with our feet? Ew! And how in the world are we supposed to talk on the phone with no mouth?" Well, what if instead of literal we saw it as God wanted us to use our feet for the nourishment of our bodies, instead of our mouths. I think the power in this statement is in our actions. We can't just say we're christian or that we love God. Our nourishment, our strength, comes in seeking Him through our actions.
Lastly, may we see the beauty in God's design by knowing that the buttefly does not spin it's own cocoon as moths do often weaving with silken threads, however the caterpillar sheds its final skin to reveal a pupa. The pupal stage is only found in holometabolous insects, those that undergo a complete metamorphosis, going through four life stages; embryo, larva, pupa, and imago, which is often referred to as the mature or adult stage. Now, once the caterpillar sheds its final skin to reveal the pupa, the outer skin hardens to form a chrysalis which protects and hides the amazing transformation that is occurring inside.
Isn't that amazing; God's amazing plan for us can be seen through the beautiful transformation of a butteflies life!
In examining my own life and my own sin and really taking a look at the areas that are holding me back I'd like to end with a short prayer.
Dear Father,
Oh how beautiful and amazing your design for this world! I thank you with a heart full of gladness the ability to view such wonderful creations! Father, I close my mouth, humble myself, and simply ask that You search my heart and soul and help me see the areas where I have been wrong, where I have been delaying my own transformation and denying Your nourishment. Father, I thank you for the constant love and strength that you continue to give me each day, Father help me become Your butterfly.
In all your glory I pray through Christ's name,
Amen.
As I was headed out to the bank to put a down payment on my birthday present I was excited to see the beautiful yellow butterflies that flew in front of the car. "What a perfect day", I thought as I drove on. The wonderful weather, the bright sun; not too much heat, not too much humidity. It's marvelous.
As I'm driving along I hear a wonderful sermon on the radion (89.5 His Radio). Pastor Ron Vietti, of the Valley Bible Fellowship, was talking about how we can't change our behaviors without changing our character. The point he was trying to make was just that, that if we're trying to live a Christ-centered life than we can't do that unless we first #1 peel off our old self and become a new babe in the eyes of Christ through baptism. We then can't expect to see changes if we aren't willing to change our cores, our characters. He tells us that we sin and will continue to sin unless we change our ways and that doesn't mean just simply changing our behaviors. He says that God sets the bar with perfection, but we know that as humans we can never reach perfection, however, that we should strive to reach it in this life or the next because the consequences of not trying, of giving up are far too great to risk. We can read these accolades through the beautiful proclaimations found in Psalm 119 and several other places in the bible.
After paying the deposit I hopped back in the car and found myself listening to yet another wonderful message, however, this one was through the teachings of Brother Chris Engrim from livingontheedge.com. It was through this lesson that I reached another defining moment in which I knew I had to come home and write about it. He passionately talked about our actions and behaviors and what they would be if we only had seven days to live. As I listened I asked myself, what would I do if I had only seven more days to live? Would I have been on Facebook checking status' and comments? Would I be on hulu.com watching one of my favorite television shows? Would I spend my time sleeping because the stresses of life were too much to bare? He talked about procrastination and time management so that we can ensure our lives are whole and just through God, focused on Him ALWAYS!
What I've learned is that it's much like the life of those beautiful butterflies I kept seeing fly around my car as I drove to and from home. Perhaps that was God's message to me, that I really look to see what sin is in my life that I need to change in order to draw closer to him. In Pastor Ron's lesson he talked about an article he'd read in a newspaper here recently. He said that there was an 18 year old girl who was reported missing for 8 days after she disappeared from a party in Washington state. He said that when the reporters talked to the parents they presumed that she was dead because no one had heard of anyone living after 8 days of no food or water; the parents and town thought she was dead. He said that somehow a woman in the church in the same town read this article and began to pray for God to help her find this girl. She said that she had dream after dream of God telling her where to look in the woods for this girl and finally He told her to "GO! Find her!" So the woman took her daughter and went to the spot that she'd seen in her dream. When they were there she said she prayed for God to help the girl cry out to them so that they would know where she was and as they called out "We love you", the girl answered "I'm here. I think I'm in trouble because I broke curfew."
He talks about the point of checking our character is because the closer we are to God, the better He can use us. And the less sin there is in our lives, the better we are able to hear His message. He said that after a while if we allow sin to be in our lives, without footing it out each time we sin, it will start to cloud our judgement and will drown out the message that God's trying to put within us.
As I said before it reminded me those beautiful butterflies. Aren't we, God's children, ALL mankind His butterflies? Don't we all start as something so tiny and unseen into a beautiful butterfly that can and will gladly, joyfully spread its wings? In fact once a butterfly reaches the caterpillar state it grows to about 27,000 times the size it was when it first emerged from its egg. Isn't that God's will for us, to strive to grow 27,000 times larger than what we were at the beginning?
I also learned that the wings of butteflies are actually transparent and that their wings are made of irredescent scales that overlap like shingles on a roof to form a colorful wing. Isn't that God's beautiful design in us? He gives us layer after layer of unique and individual design which vibrantly could only have been created through His nourishment? Butterflies also learn how to taste with their feet and that they do not have mouths that bite or chew. "Tasting with our feet? Ew! And how in the world are we supposed to talk on the phone with no mouth?" Well, what if instead of literal we saw it as God wanted us to use our feet for the nourishment of our bodies, instead of our mouths. I think the power in this statement is in our actions. We can't just say we're christian or that we love God. Our nourishment, our strength, comes in seeking Him through our actions.
Lastly, may we see the beauty in God's design by knowing that the buttefly does not spin it's own cocoon as moths do often weaving with silken threads, however the caterpillar sheds its final skin to reveal a pupa. The pupal stage is only found in holometabolous insects, those that undergo a complete metamorphosis, going through four life stages; embryo, larva, pupa, and imago, which is often referred to as the mature or adult stage. Now, once the caterpillar sheds its final skin to reveal the pupa, the outer skin hardens to form a chrysalis which protects and hides the amazing transformation that is occurring inside.
Isn't that amazing; God's amazing plan for us can be seen through the beautiful transformation of a butteflies life!
In examining my own life and my own sin and really taking a look at the areas that are holding me back I'd like to end with a short prayer.
Dear Father,
Oh how beautiful and amazing your design for this world! I thank you with a heart full of gladness the ability to view such wonderful creations! Father, I close my mouth, humble myself, and simply ask that You search my heart and soul and help me see the areas where I have been wrong, where I have been delaying my own transformation and denying Your nourishment. Father, I thank you for the constant love and strength that you continue to give me each day, Father help me become Your butterfly.
In all your glory I pray through Christ's name,
Amen.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Patience
Today, I've got one thing on my mind. One idea that I just can't seem to understand and maybe the riddle of life is that we aren't supposed to understand everything. God's ways are His ways anyway and I get that. I get that we're not supposed to understand everything but we're supposed to hope, and love, and fear Him.
The past few days has been a whirlwind of emotion all over again. I've got from blissful, to manic, to depressive, to happy, to just plain okay. It's been an irratic and uncontrollable and I've realized more than anything today a few things.
Number one, sometimes it's easier to give advice than it is to truly retain it and use it yourself. In my last post I talked about how God's timing is perfect but I also talked about those defining moments where you are environmental, physically, emotionally, and spiritually forced to make a decision that's going to "define" how you live your life after that. Because God is such an amazing Father we get ample opportunities to make, what seems like the same choices over and over if we don't choose wisely the first time. He's a giver of opportunities and multiple chances...why? The simple answer is because His love for us is beyond any measure of doubt. He sent His son while we were all still sinners and while we all hated Jesus, He died for us. Maybe because we hear this story told over and over we aren't fully able to really take it in. It's not just a story in a book that some guy wrote a long time ago and we doubt ever truly existed. It's real as if it were today. And maybe because we hear it so much it's to be a reminder of such. Regardless, that's not the first point I'd like to make. Recently, my faith and love for God has been tested beyond measures and while I've fallen short on several occasions, ultimately I've chosen Him yet again. I believe that throughout my life God has given me numerous opportunities to stand up for myself and my beliefs, to have that push that I needed to enter that next part of the journey. Last night was sort of the last straw and it became more clear to me that's what was happening.
Satan was using the most important person in my life, the closest to my heart against me, and he was trying to destroy my faith. It's what he does best, but this seemed more tricky than he's ever been before, to which I can only assume his own fears of losing me. It's funny because a couple of nights ago I remember going to bed and saying, "bring it on satan, bring it on". He definitely listened and brought on more than I could possible take, but with the help from God's wisdom through a friend and scriptures and my heart I didn't crumble. Last night I had my defining moment and although it may seem small to some, or selfish to others, or fears to others, for me...it was the moment where I excelled in the next chapter of my life. It was extremely scary because I'm afraid that I'll lose that person that means the most to me, but at the same time I can't sacrifice myself or my own faith just to keep that person. I'd be doing no glory for God, no justice for myself, and nothing for that other person.
The second thing I wanted to talk about has to do with the first. Giving, or at thinking you give more than others give you. What I've begun to read in my 12 Steps book is that sometimes these are flaws that develop from a dysfunctional family growing up that has translated into unhealthy thinking that make you either think that people are just out to get the good guy, or to think that you're better than someone else because you self-sacrifice or whatever. From listening to Jay, pastor of Grand Strand Church of Christ, God tells us that we are ALL on equal ground and that we ALL are going to the judgement. This concept and idea is so humbling to me because thinking about it I'm reminded that my peers, the ones who choose to ignore me instead of reaching out and encouraging, or the people at work who choose to live a different life from mine, with different religious backgrounds...we are ALL on equal ground and we are ALL going to be judged one day. Maybe I'm rare in this thinking but at the same time I'm flawed too. I can judge as well but when I think about the fact that a gay friend or a murder or a rapist out in the world today...I try my best not to be hurt or offended by their actions because number 1 they were innocent babies too, number 2 they are humans who've chosen a different path than I, and number three they aren't wrong if they truly haven't found the right path yet. That path is God and Jesus Christ and it's our job to help them find it, with the wisdom and glory He gives to us to help them find it. It's not our job to judge or shame or condemn them. So this second topic isn't only directed towards the "worst of the worst" if you choose to look at it that way, it's directed towards all sinners, including myself and the sincerity of our intentions to edify and encourage others, not because we're the good guys and one day we'll be blessed because of it, but because we are children of God and this is our job, this is what we're paid for and if you're paid with nothing less than life with no riches but you have faith that God is Lord and Almighty than you're the one of the riches in the world, I'd say. So, when I get frustrated because I send a mass text to friends edifying and encouraging them to have a wonderful day it should be because I'm doing my job and not because I expect them to reach out to me when I'm sad. This is often where I am wrong and where I need to practice patience, which brings me to third topic I'd like to talk about.
However, I have to start getting ready for work so I'm going to go and I'll write more later after work. Thank you for taking the time in reading this post and my hope is that something in this blog has pierced your heart, giving you the notion to open your eyes and see that there just might be a defining moment right around the corner, waiting to be made. May I encourage you to fight the fears and take that first step; we'll do it together.
The past few days has been a whirlwind of emotion all over again. I've got from blissful, to manic, to depressive, to happy, to just plain okay. It's been an irratic and uncontrollable and I've realized more than anything today a few things.
Number one, sometimes it's easier to give advice than it is to truly retain it and use it yourself. In my last post I talked about how God's timing is perfect but I also talked about those defining moments where you are environmental, physically, emotionally, and spiritually forced to make a decision that's going to "define" how you live your life after that. Because God is such an amazing Father we get ample opportunities to make, what seems like the same choices over and over if we don't choose wisely the first time. He's a giver of opportunities and multiple chances...why? The simple answer is because His love for us is beyond any measure of doubt. He sent His son while we were all still sinners and while we all hated Jesus, He died for us. Maybe because we hear this story told over and over we aren't fully able to really take it in. It's not just a story in a book that some guy wrote a long time ago and we doubt ever truly existed. It's real as if it were today. And maybe because we hear it so much it's to be a reminder of such. Regardless, that's not the first point I'd like to make. Recently, my faith and love for God has been tested beyond measures and while I've fallen short on several occasions, ultimately I've chosen Him yet again. I believe that throughout my life God has given me numerous opportunities to stand up for myself and my beliefs, to have that push that I needed to enter that next part of the journey. Last night was sort of the last straw and it became more clear to me that's what was happening.
Satan was using the most important person in my life, the closest to my heart against me, and he was trying to destroy my faith. It's what he does best, but this seemed more tricky than he's ever been before, to which I can only assume his own fears of losing me. It's funny because a couple of nights ago I remember going to bed and saying, "bring it on satan, bring it on". He definitely listened and brought on more than I could possible take, but with the help from God's wisdom through a friend and scriptures and my heart I didn't crumble. Last night I had my defining moment and although it may seem small to some, or selfish to others, or fears to others, for me...it was the moment where I excelled in the next chapter of my life. It was extremely scary because I'm afraid that I'll lose that person that means the most to me, but at the same time I can't sacrifice myself or my own faith just to keep that person. I'd be doing no glory for God, no justice for myself, and nothing for that other person.
The second thing I wanted to talk about has to do with the first. Giving, or at thinking you give more than others give you. What I've begun to read in my 12 Steps book is that sometimes these are flaws that develop from a dysfunctional family growing up that has translated into unhealthy thinking that make you either think that people are just out to get the good guy, or to think that you're better than someone else because you self-sacrifice or whatever. From listening to Jay, pastor of Grand Strand Church of Christ, God tells us that we are ALL on equal ground and that we ALL are going to the judgement. This concept and idea is so humbling to me because thinking about it I'm reminded that my peers, the ones who choose to ignore me instead of reaching out and encouraging, or the people at work who choose to live a different life from mine, with different religious backgrounds...we are ALL on equal ground and we are ALL going to be judged one day. Maybe I'm rare in this thinking but at the same time I'm flawed too. I can judge as well but when I think about the fact that a gay friend or a murder or a rapist out in the world today...I try my best not to be hurt or offended by their actions because number 1 they were innocent babies too, number 2 they are humans who've chosen a different path than I, and number three they aren't wrong if they truly haven't found the right path yet. That path is God and Jesus Christ and it's our job to help them find it, with the wisdom and glory He gives to us to help them find it. It's not our job to judge or shame or condemn them. So this second topic isn't only directed towards the "worst of the worst" if you choose to look at it that way, it's directed towards all sinners, including myself and the sincerity of our intentions to edify and encourage others, not because we're the good guys and one day we'll be blessed because of it, but because we are children of God and this is our job, this is what we're paid for and if you're paid with nothing less than life with no riches but you have faith that God is Lord and Almighty than you're the one of the riches in the world, I'd say. So, when I get frustrated because I send a mass text to friends edifying and encouraging them to have a wonderful day it should be because I'm doing my job and not because I expect them to reach out to me when I'm sad. This is often where I am wrong and where I need to practice patience, which brings me to third topic I'd like to talk about.
However, I have to start getting ready for work so I'm going to go and I'll write more later after work. Thank you for taking the time in reading this post and my hope is that something in this blog has pierced your heart, giving you the notion to open your eyes and see that there just might be a defining moment right around the corner, waiting to be made. May I encourage you to fight the fears and take that first step; we'll do it together.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Brooke Christl- "Beautiful Me" Photoshoot!
Cross your fingers that I contacted Betty, office manager for Brooke Christl Photography in time because if so that means I'm DOING THE BEAUTIFUL ME PHOTOSHOOT!!!!!!! Yay! This is huge because not only is this something that I've wanted to do for a while but it's the only thing I wanted for my 25th birthday in October! I didn't think it would happen because of money but they lowered the price so now with this special deal I'll be saving $200 AND the photos will be ready for my birthday! Yay! I'm so excited but like I said, 'cross your fingers'!
Just had to share!
Just had to share!
Friday, August 27, 2010
"The Poor Man's Hollywood"
It's been a few days, alright, it's been since Monday that I've written and so far I haven't quite kept up with my end of the bargain have I? I set out to write every day and I've obviously fallen short, but tonight I'm reminded that it's okay. It's okay sometimes to fall short of your goals, especially when you can find your resolve to get back up and strive again.
I'm in the middle of reading some very real and interesting information that's really going to, and is helping me understand more about myself. I'm learning the ins and outs of my illness and really learning when to take proactive steps to prevent hurtful symptoms that are truly, uncontrollable.
What I mean is that I'll always have this illness inside of me, which is the 'uncontrollable' part, but what I can control are my own preventative measures that surround this condition and truly that surround life. I know that I cannot control my environment such as the weather or what peers think and do, but I can control how I will react to the unknown. Instead of fearing it God lets us know that He is there and to rest on Him through our doubts so that we may pass through that barrier of fear and know that there is hope. He tells us to trust in Him when we are afraid, weak, and weary of life.
While I was on break from this book I've been reading I went down to the laundry room to switch my clothes over to the dryer. At first I was motivated to come straight home and pick back up where I left off in my book. I felt like there was a pressure in getting as much information as possible tonight, but God had other plans.
Remember last week I wrote about a man by the name of Jamie Simms? He was the author who started talking to me while I was at work one day about his life and his tribulations. Well, God did it again.
I wasn't able to catch her name but she had the sweetest eyes I've seen in a while. They were the palest of blue, which seemed to compliment her translucent skin. Her face was no doubt worn from the years but her skin looked soft and pure, wholesome and healthy might be better words. She looked so delicate.
As I began loading a load of white clothes into the washer she began talking to me about the weather and how she'd moved here from Florida partially because she'd heard that the weather wasn't as hot. At this comment I began to chuckle knowing that if I've learned anything from 15 years in Myrtle Beach, it's that the weather, specifically the humidity, isn't as comforting as some of the tourist would hope for; unless you have very dry skin, in which the humidity would help that tremendously. Still, I stood there thinking "yeah, no kidding!"
As she began to tell me about her recent desire to change her surroundings I became more interested in her words. I thought, I could certainly appreciate when she'd said, "when you find out that you're sick you just realize that you don't want to be alone anymore so you change it". She didn't talk about what was wrong with her, which I thought was refreshingly different considering we live in a world where most people take a victimizing stance on life, where everything just seems to happen to them and that allows them to act the way that they act, or be the people they choose to be. Well, yes, you can choose to be someone who sits with self-pity or you can choose to be someone who makes their own set of circumstances instead of letting the uncontrollable define you as a victim. It became clear that she was the latter.
She'd chosen to research her options and retirement facility in VA, where she'd originally lived before moving to Florida. She went on to tell me about all of the perks of living in such a facility that provides care for the elderly and disabled. They have their own grocery market and library/computer lab. They provide services such as grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning services. They provide a bus to transport and set up "trips" to travel the local areas, and Wal-mart if necessary, on-site physical therapists, and personal pharmaceutical deliveries. From her excitement it was clear that she has grown very passionate in relocating to this particular facility and has made that decision to change her surroundings in order to become the healthier, happier person that she wants to be. She's gotten to that point in her life when she knows she's getting older, she knows she wants change, she knows she wants acceptance, and she knows she's the only one that's going to make it happen for herself, just like her decision to leave Florida.
"The poor man's Hollywood", as she'd named the state of Florida. Her description of Floridians seemed spot on in some areas, but in others were a little too judgemental. She'd said that the whole place just seemed like they were trying too hard to be something that they weren't. She said that they weren't nice in that "they went out of their way to be rude". She used words such as "aggressive", "fake", "showy", and even "unsophisticated". She explained that most people she'd seen did things that just weren't right or moral for humans to do, like drinking on the job, or an employee smashing glass bottles in the super market parking lot. "A lot of drinkers and partiers", she'd said. She said that a lot of people drove nice cars but they didn't have any money and that they just had this sort of better than everyone attitude about life. She said that the aggressiveness was ultimately the last straw in her decision to move here.
Of course I bare no judgement on Floridians because I, myself, haven't really had bad experiences with Floridians, however, I have not lived there. In fact, one of Steve's best friends of 15 years has lived in Florida for quite some time, which on one level made me snicker at some of the words she'd chosen to use because they were the same words I would've used to describe him. Regardless, my judgement remains mute simply for the fact that I know that people all have different opinions and perceptions of life in general.
It's not so much that it's Florida, the state, but rather the times in life when things are aggressive and uncontrollable. When life around you is seemingly so uncontrollable that it can put you in such a state of depression, but that it doesn't have to. There is hope that there is something that you can control, especially in the midst of chaos.
I think the importance of this experience was that she got to a point in her life where she realized that something wasn't working for her and she knew and took the responsibility of taking that next step to change it. I admired that about her because even in her rant she never once gave me the indication that she was proud of such an achievement. That's not to say that she's not happy with her decision or proud that she changed her life, because I'm sure she is, but she wasn't boastful about it. There was a certain sense of control, and ease in her actions, a comfort in knowing that she was alone and that she did have the strength, regardless of her circumstances.
A few days ago something miraculous happened. Actually, a few amazing things happened in my own life that has brought me admiration for meeting this woman in the laundry room. A few days ago I started a bible study called "Soul Shaping: Disciplines that conform you to the image of Christ". It's written by Tim Wilson and was a gift I'd received last year for Christmas. In the beginning of chapter one of this study the author talks about not only the value of God's impeccable timing but also those defining moments that we experience in life. A defining moment is "a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significance ramifications for the future direction of your life".
First, I'd like to acknowledge the value of God's impeccable timing in sharing with you one of the stories the author used.
"Timing is everything
The period of the judges was the "wild, wild West" of biblical times, featuring battles between Israel and its enemies, the Moabites, the Philistines, the Amalekites, and the Ammonites. One of the judges, Samson, exercised great feats of strength. This colorful character used the jawbone of a donkey as a weapon to defeat the Philistines (see Judges 15:15) and killed a lion with his bare hands; later he returned and ate honey from its carcass (see Judges 14:6-9). Another judge, Gideon, was the youngest son from the weakest family in Manasseh; yet God used him to defeat the Midianites and the Amalekites. Under God's direction he whittled down the army from 22,000 to 300 troops before they attacked and defeated the Midianites with trumpets, fire, and swords (see Judges 7).
Another judge of Israel was Deborah (see Judges 4:5). I know I am stating the obvious, but Deborah was a woman. Many people have the mistaken notion that God is seist. Perhaps they are confusing the Bible's cultural setting with its message. While much of Scripture is set in a repressive culture, the Bible's message is liberating, showing the value of all human life. All people are created in God's image-men and women alike. Furthermore, all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. The apostle Paul gave the definitive word on all humanity's equality before God when he wrote, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nore female: for yea are all one in Christ Jesus." (Gal. 3:28, KJV).
Deborah was more than just a judge. She was the only judge described as a prophetess'. Like Moses before her, she spoke to the people for God during a difficult time in their history. God didn't choose Deborah as a judge and a prophetess to be inclusive. HE chose the best person for the job, and she excelled in it.
The times demanded a strong leader. The people of God were captives in Canaan under Jabin, the king of Canaan, and Sisera, his commander. General Barak and his army were doing nothing about the situation, so Deborah summoned him to her court and said to him, "Hasn't the Lord, the God of Israel, commanded [you]: 'Go, deploy [the troops] on Mount Tabor, and take with you 10,000 men from the Naphtalites and Zebulunites'?" (see Judges 4:6).
Deborah took a no-nonsense approach with Barak: she called him out for his laziness, fear, and doubt, demanding that he account for his inaction. She reminded him that God had already promised that He would lure Sisera and his army into a location where Israel's army would prevail against them. Barak agreed to go but only if Deborah would go with him. She consented to go into battle with Barak, but she warned him that his conquest would be void of honor and that he would not defeat Sisera. God would use a woman to do that.
Timing was everything. They needed to launch the attack at just the right time. How would Deborah know when to attack? Ten thousand men followed Barak into battle, while Sisera brought nine hundred iron chariots to the theater of operations. Barak followed Deborah, and Deborah followed God. She depended on Him to know when the time was right.
When the time was right, Deborah told Barak to attack. Timing was everything. They needed the element of surprise. Deborah relied on God to give her the wisdom she needed to discern the proper time to give the attack order.
When the army of the Lord descended on Canaan's army, the Lord confused the enemy, and the Lord's army was triumphant. It destroyed everyone except Sisera, who left his chariot and fled on foot to find sanctuary in the home of a friend. The friend's wife welcomed him into their tent and offered him something to drink. Exhausted, he asked her to stand watch for him while he got some sleep. As he drifted off, he didn't know that he would never awake. Using a tent stake, the woman killed him in his sleep. Meanwhile, Barak, filled with confidence from the battle, led a hunt for Sisera. When Barak arrived at the tent, Heber's wife showed Barak Sisera's dead body. As Deborah had prophesied, God used a woman to defeat Sisera. "That day God subdued Jabin king of Canaan before the Israelites. The power of the Israelites continued to increase against Jabin king of Canaan until they destroyed him" (see Judges 4:23-24). God's timing was right.
Again, a defining moment is a critical juncture when you must make a decision that will have significant ramifications for the future direction of your life. Albeit a woman who needed to move out of an aggressive atmosphere to find a sense of friendship, community, and peace; or a woman who chooses to let God define her life and behaviors instead of a mental illness; or a man who enters the battle of recovering from years of addiction. The hope is knowing that God's timing is right!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Random
Right about now I feel like I'm eating everything in sight like some goat or something. What is going on? AHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
In other news....I've got 24 more ounces of water to drink and 15 minutes until my challenges for today are complete! Yay!
In other news....I've got 24 more ounces of water to drink and 15 minutes until my challenges for today are complete! Yay!
Daily Challenge: 1
Today I'm going to challenge myself to drink 8-8 ounce glasses of water. I'm usually very good about drinking water, however, lately I've been drinking apple juice and cranberry juice, which isn't too bad considering it's not like soda. I've finished my cranberry juice and I want to focus on drinking more water again. So today, 8-8 ounce glasses of water!
My second challenge for today will be staying off of Facebook for the remainder of the night. I know, it doesn't seem like it should be much of a challenge but everytime I connect with the internet I find myself checking both e-mails and immediately after, my facebook. So, to limit my usuage and to discipline myself I will be challening myself to no Facebook for the rest of the day.
My third challenge today will be limited text messaging to one person in particular. Nothing against this person or texting, however, it's a similar situation as Facebook. I need to discipline myself, again, to think beyond only wanting to communicate with this person. I've got to remember to protect my heart and at the same time be kind, patient, and understanding.
Those are my challenges today.
My second challenge for today will be staying off of Facebook for the remainder of the night. I know, it doesn't seem like it should be much of a challenge but everytime I connect with the internet I find myself checking both e-mails and immediately after, my facebook. So, to limit my usuage and to discipline myself I will be challening myself to no Facebook for the rest of the day.
My third challenge today will be limited text messaging to one person in particular. Nothing against this person or texting, however, it's a similar situation as Facebook. I need to discipline myself, again, to think beyond only wanting to communicate with this person. I've got to remember to protect my heart and at the same time be kind, patient, and understanding.
Those are my challenges today.
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